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Ashley Greene IS Charles Dickens’ Oliva Twisted

Because today is a day that we all woke up and got dressed for so what were we even expecting, we have some exciting Hollywood remake/adaptation news. OH, GREAT! It was announced Tuesday at the Toronto Film Festival that Twilight’s Ashley Greene will be starring in an “ultramodern” take on Oliver Twist called, of course, Olivia Twisted. Because iLivia X-sted didn’t read as well, I can only assume. From Variety:

Script by tyro writer Michael Roberts follows 19-year-old Olivia and a group of highly trained street urchins. Upon accepting a kidnapping job, they find themselves in the middle of a turf war between warring criminal factions.

It goes on to say that it will combine “Dickensian elements with a Gothic backdrop,” meaning, I am guessing, the implied idea of orphans + Alexander McQueen looking costumes + grey. Not to be TOTALLY down on the idea of another Oliver Twist reboot, because we haven’t had one in like six GD years or whatever, “Please, sirs, I want some more Oliver Twist reboots” is what everyone is saying, basically, (booo), but it seems like this one is going to be so far removed from the actual story that I don’t even know why they’re wasting such a CLASSIC name on it. Here are better names for it:

  • O-fans
  • We The Streets
  • Smurf & Turf
  • @CharlieDick And The Streets
  • Gonna Run This Town 2nite: Orphans