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BREAKING NEWS: Bald Matt Damon “Jealous” Of Bald Jake Gyllenhaal

PUT DOWN WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND READ THIS IMPORTANT NEWS ARTICLE IF YOU WANT TO EVEN KNOW WHAT IS HAPPENING IN THE WORLD THESE DAYS! YOUR VERY LIFE MIGHT DEPEND ON IT! From People (via @cassiemurdoch):

Freshly bald Matt Damon loves his new look. What he doesn’t love is having his shaved head compared to Jake Gyllenhaal’s.

“Wow, I try not to envy, but I have to say Jake’s got a damn good-looking head,” Damon, 40, told PEOPLE at Wednesday’s New York premiere of his new movie about a killer virus, Contagion. “He sure does have a beautiful round head.”

“Normally you say, ‘That’s a beautiful head of hair, but that’s a beautiful head he’s got,’ ” Damon says laughing. “Gyllenhaal definitely gets the blue ribbon for the best bald head over me.”

HOLY SHIT WE WILL CONTINUE TO FOLLOW THIS STORY AS IT DEVELOPS. WILL JAKE GYLLENHAAL RESPOND? WILL THE WORLD EXPLODE? WHAT’S GOING ON IN LIBYA NOW I FORGET? THE WORLD ANXIOUSLY AWAITS THE NEWS!