The Videogum Why Don’t YOU Caption It? Contest: Madonna Loathes Hydrangeas

Oh boy. This video from a press conference at the Venice Film Festival is making the rounds and it is no surprise why. If there is one thing people love it is Diet Red Bull. It keeps ‘em going without all the extra calories! If there is another thing people love it is secret videotapes capturing celebs acting like total assholes. I mean, COME ON. The worst part of this isn’t even that Madonna is self-involved and obnoxious, well, no, wait, that is the worst part of this, but the other worst part is that she says things like “I absolutely loathe hydrangeas” in the first place. Like, take the fan out of this. OK, fan’s gone. It’s not a fan giving her a gift that she has to sneakily make a snide comment about later. It’s just Madonna at the Paley Center for Media Studies in a panel discussion about Favorite Flowers and someone gets up to one of the two microphones that have been set up in the aisle for the question and answer section of the night’s program and they adjust their eyeglasses and nervously ask, “Madonna, hi, huge fan, thank you so much just for being here tonight,” and everyone applauds because they all love Madonna and that’s why they paid upwards of $70 a ticket. The fan continues, “I’m curious, sorry, I’m so nervous, uh, I’m just wondering what flowers you don’t like? Thank you,” and then the fan awkwardly goes back to his seat even though general protocol is that you should wait at the microphone while your question is being answered, but he just got so nervous it felt like the lights were actually burning him. And then Madonna thinks for a second and says, “Well, I absolutely loathe hydrangeas,” and there’s a brief silence in the room because people are just thinking uh, REALLY, you “ABSOLUTELY LOATHE” them? They’re fucking flowers, you rich, entitled, out-of-touch bitch. PEOPLE ARE DYING OUT HERE, MADONNA! Take it easy with the grandiose flower talk. (You could argue that she was actually pretty polite to the fan at the time she was given the flowers, and that the comment was a whispered aside to a friend and she surely didn’t think the microphones were turned on, and who among us doesn’t occasionally whisper something to a friend that might be taken poorly if captured on film and posted on the Internet, but why would you even argue that? What’s wrong with you?)

Caption it! Winner will receive special mention in this week’s Monsters’ Ball, thank God, and not some fucking hydrangeas can you even imagine?!