Monsters’ Ball: The Week’s Best Comments

Guys, if I may pull back the curtain for a moment: summer is a rough time for blogs and August is the worst of it. This is not a cool thing to complain or even talk about because a) who cares and b) this is the world’s tiniest violin playing “Shut Up, You Stupid Blogs!” The point is: OOF. And it’s not just because nothing really happens in the summer as everyone is off busy being a Talented Mr. Ripley on their yacht somewhere, although that’s a big part of it, but it’s also because summer somehow throws into relief how beside the point the Internet can be sometimes. Like, sure, it’s great, and without it we probably wouldn’t even know what Words With Friends is, but at the end of the day life is still for the living, and it turns out that when the sun is shining and you can have a lemonade on a porch somewhere, or whatever, the appeal of a dog riding a skateboard on a trampoline with a firecracker in its butt loses a certain appeal. Which is correct! That is how it should be! If anything, it should be like that most of the time, not even just summer. We gotta get offa this thing sometimes, right? But, after this holiday weekend, though, it will be BACK 3 BUSINESS. So enjoy it, please. Seriously. Get some rest, you look tired. Sit on a beach, or go to a museum, or catch up on back issues of Utne Reader, or do whatever it is to you that is the most fun and relaxing, and then come back on Tuesday and let’s grind it out. Let’s just really get into it. What do you say? Deal? Deal.

After the jump, the five Highest Rated comments, as voted on by you, the Lowest Rated comment, the winner of the Angelina Jolie Vanity Fair Photoshoot Contest, and the Editor’s and Associate Editor’s Choice.

This Week’s Highest Rated Comments

#4 topknot | Sep 1st Score:56

“Suddenly I don’t seem so bad, do I?” -Gwyneth Paltrow

Posted in: Rick Santorum Fails To Rest His Case
#3 Kelly | Sep 1st Score:64

Kelly posts are recognizable. You take her name off it, you’re like, “That’s a Gabe post.” #facetaco

Posted in: What Is Wrong With Kevin Smith?
#2 topknot | Aug 30th Score:108

“Don’t ever cross me.”

Posted in: The Videogum Why Don’t YOU Caption It? Contest: Angelina Jolie Vanity Fair Photoshoot

[Assoc. Ed. Note: Obviously, this is a huge honor for me. I didn’t expect this at all. I have a few people I wrote down, just so I wouldn’t forget anyone. I’d like to thank Gabe Delahaye, Birdie, Scott Lapatine, Amrit Singh, my mom and dad, my brothers Packy and Thomas, my REAL friends, anyone who tried to keep me down because they just made me work even harder, God, Jesus, and of course all of the Monsters. I wouldn’t be here without you guys, you really mean a lot to me. Oh also congratulations to whatthewhatjunior and topknot.]

This Week’s Lowest Rated Comment

#1 JetAwesome | Aug 30th Score:-29
“I swear to God, I swear to fucking God. Don’t make me beat the shit out of you. No, don’t cry. Don’t let them see you cry or you’ll spend tonight in the closet. Shut it. Shut it. That’s it, I’m sending you back and taking this white kid. She farts balloons for Christ’s sake.”
Posted in: The Videogum Why Don’t YOU Caption It? Contest: Angelina Jolie Vanity Fair Photoshoot

[Assoc. Ed. Note: Haha, oh no. This is unfortunate because usually the lowest rated is someone we can get together and collectively dislike, but I remember many times in the past where I have LIKED JetAwesome. Oh well. On all our shit lists forever, goodbye! NO I’M JUST KIDDING. Come back. This comment was just a bit rough I think. I did a rewrite for you, see what you think: “Unfortunately I’m going to have to go with the white one. She farts balloons.” Take it from me, I was in top rated comments twice this week.]

This Week’s Caption Contest Winner

[Ed. Note: Congratulations, whatthewhatjunior! You earned it.]

This Week’s Associate Editor’s Choice

[Assoc. Ed. Note: See below.]

This Week’s Editor’s Choice

[Ed. Note: Every once in awhile, usually on a holiday, when we are flush with the contentment of brotherhood, generosity, and an extra day off, we opt out of selecting comments for the Editor’s Choice. You might say that this is laziness, we say that it is goodwill and friendship. (It’s mostly laziness, but GET OFF OUR BACKS.) The point is: Labor Day isn’t a time for competition and self-congratulation. It’s a time for…uh…wait, what is Labor Day a time for? I have literally no idea what the hell Labor Day is. Well, whatever it is, it’s certainly NO TIME TO ARGUE. So let’s just enjoy this brief, loving and respectful reprieve from the constant status-ing and judging that makes up so much of our lives. Right? Hugs.]