Videogum

Monsters’ Ball: The Week’s Best Comments

SOMETHING SOMETHING HURRICANE, AM I RIGHT? Ugh. Enough with this hurricane business already! We get it! This guy on NPR this morning was giving survival tips that included “reading that 800 page book you’ve been meaning to get to forever.” And that man’s name was BEAR GRYLLS. The point is: if you live on the East Coast, shut up. Read a book or die. If you live on the West Coast, however, why not attend an unofficial Los Angeles Chapter Videogum Monster Meet-Up? It’s tonight! So far only one person has RSVP’ed, so that’s embarrassing. Put those Adjsutment Bureau hats to some good use for once and ADJUST IT. And remember: NO HURRICANES ALLOWED!

After the jump, the five Highest Rated comments, as voted on by you, the Lowest Rated comment, the winner of the Harrison Ford’s “Got Milk?” Ad Contest, and the Editor’s and Associate Editor’s Choice.


This Week’s Highest Rated Comments

#5 Becca | Aug 22nd Score:63

In other news: 4 Bobby Drapers in 4 seasons. Are we sure January Jones isn’t killing these kids?

Posted in: Duh Aficionado Magazine: January Jones Is One Of The Worst People On Earth
#4 Frank Lloyd Wrong | Aug 22nd Score:63

Ladies and Gentlemen of Videogum:

From the bottom of my heart, I am truly sorry for that comment. The double entendre on display in that comment is very much below the standards set by this blog, and more importantly, the personal standards I set for my comments on daily basis.

You deserve better and I know that. Message received. Moving forward, I will strive to craft better comments and not go for the cheap laugh in an attempt to score easy votes.

I will stand rigid and steadfast in this, my mission. Not unlike the erection I get when I see this Christina Hendricks gif.

Yours,

Frank Lloyd Wrong

Posted in: Duh Aficionado Magazine: January Jones Is One Of The Worst People On Earth
#2 the wurst | Aug 22nd Score:65

“What’s a very gay way to ask him to go camping?” – this man

Posted in: Girl Accidentally Films Ryan Gosling Breaking Up A Fight In NYC While She’s Filming A Normal Non-Gosling Fight For Some Reason
#1 rajma | Aug 22nd Score:66

“January Jones is coming.”

— George R.R. Martin (A Game of Thrones)

Posted in: Duh Aficionado Magazine: January Jones Is One Of The Worst People On Earth

[Assoc. Ed. Note: Congratulations to rajma! This is just a very good case of “knowing your audience.” Big Game of Thrones fans around here, big January Jones haters around here. Great job. I hope your pride is enough to keep you afloat during this upcoming hurricane. Assuming you are going to be in the hurricane. Goodbye!]

This Week’s Lowest Rated Comment

#1
Jon Whitlock | Aug 23rd Score:-16
umm.. fighting is a billion dollar a year industry… because it’s entertaining. so my question to you is.. why are you asking why are they filming the fight?? don’t be dense.
Posted in: Girl Accidentally Films Ryan Gosling Breaking Up A Fight In NYC While She’s Filming A Normal Non-Gosling Fight For Some Reason

[Ed. Note: Hahah, wait, WHAT?! You can’t seriously be calling other people dense when this is the densest comment of all time. Sure, “fighting” is a billion dollar a year industry (I’m pretty sure that math is exacting and figured out right down to the penny), but “fighting” is heavily regulated and an actual sport. People hurting each other on the street is not the same thing, you asshole. I’m calling you an asshole, because actual, unregluated, non-athletic fighting between two strangers is horrible and scary and dangerous and for you to assume that this kind of fighting is just as entertaining and as worthy of a spectacle as something between trained professionals on Pay-Per-View is what assholes do. Maybe your Tap Out t-shirt is too tight and it is cutting off circulation to your already pretty crappy brain? I seriously hope someone beats you up. Not very badly! I hope that all you get is a scrape and a bruise, but just enough of a shock to your ego and that horrifying rush of adrenaline and then the silent, throbbing reflection late at night when you’re all alone that makes you rethink whatever the fuck you are even talking about. Although, if you do get beat up, I hope that no one tapes it, and I certainly hope that they don’t weirdly giggle while they are taping it, because that’s horrible and inhuman and you deserve better.]

This Week’s Caption Contest Winner

Dusky Panther | Aug 23rd Score:62

I thought this one was nice compared to some of the more recent ads…

Posted in: The Videogum Why Don’t YOU Caption It? Contest: Harrison Ford’s “Got Milk?” Ad

[Ed. Note: Congratulations, Dusky Panther! You earned it.]

This Week’s Associate Editor’s Choice

  huckabeast | 11:57am Score:11

“I’d love to make some jokes about a 22-year-old thief having a mass of writhing, wiggling, nightmare penises, but this is a family show.”

Posted in: The Most Hackneyed News Copy Ever In His Pants?

[Assoc. Ed. Note: I’d like to pretend that I was above this style of humor, but this is a truth blog. CONGRATULATIONS HUCKABEAST!]

This Week’s Editor’s Choice

facetaco | Aug 25th Score:52

Somebody stop him!

Posted in: Jim Carrey’s Message To Emma Stone

[Ed. Note: Congratulations to Face Taco, but, and no offense to Face Taco, this is really just an Editor’s Choice of that whole Jim Carrey thread. Lots of good jokes in there, guys, good work. And not only is Face Taco’s joke one of the Top Jokes in that thread, but it’s also the very first comment, so you have got to give him/her the credit for really kicking things off. CREDIT GIVEN!]