There are many things one can say about Anthony Bourdain. “He is a chef.” “He has tattoos.” “He smokes cigarettes or maybe he has quit at this point but I do know that he at one point smoked cigarettes.” “He has a travel TV show.” And finally, “He is America’s #1 bad boy.” And it must be difficult, when you are America’s #1 bad boy, to have, for example, an interview with TV Guide where you don’t say numerous Bad Boy Things about numerous other people in your television chef personality field that are possibly far past their point of relevance. That would be like Joel McHale going onto a late night talk show and NOT making a joke about how short Ryan Seacrest is. JUST GIVE THE PEOPLE WHAT THEY WANT! And here is what you want, from an interview with TV Guide, just like you wanted:
On Sanda Lee: “There was an incident with Sandra Lee where I ran into her [after criticizing her publicly]. It was deeply terrible. Don’t mess with her. I rarely feel uncomfortable, but she has a powerful force. I hate her works on this planet, but she is not someone to be dismissed, clearly.”
On Guy Fieri: “I look at Guy Fieri and I just think, ‘Jesus, I’m glad that’s not me.'”
On Rachael Ray:“Does she even cook anymore? I don’t know why she bothers. To her credit, she never said she was good at it.”
On Paula Deen:“The worst, most dangerous person to America is clearly Paula Deen. She revels in unholy connections with evil corporations and she’s proud of the fact that her food is f–king bad for you […] plus, her food sucks.”
“Yesssss! More more more more more more more!!!!” That is what everyone is thinking. Sadly, we do not have any more. But that doesn’t mean we can’t IMAGINE any more, about with Anthony Bourdain would say about ANYONE in ANY FIELD because that is MORE FUN!
On Louis C.K.
Is this guy still around? I heard something about this guy having a show recently and I thought, Jesus Christ, who is watching that shit?
On Mila Kunis
That dead-eyed whore — You know, I met Mila Kunis once after an event. I looked at her and said, “Jesus.”
On Gabe Delahaye
Oh, this guy — Every time I hear about this guy I think, yeah, great, maybe spend less time at the fancy clothes store and more time KNOWING HOW TO WRITE A BLOG.
On Chandler Bing
Could that guy BE any more a waste of space in our society’s collective consciousness?
I heard about Skrillex on Twitter. I looked him up. Piece of shit.
On François Truffaut
François Truffaut? If I needed more stupid bullshit in my life I’d watch Bizarre Foods.
On Dan Harmon
You know, Dan Harmon is just a great example of how society has just gone to shit. You know? This is what passes for entertainment. This shit this guy shits out into the world. Fuck this guy.
On Raymond From Everybody Loves Raymond
I don’t know who loves that guy. He’s a goof and he has a terrible voice. Just terrible.
Man, that guy sure speaks his mind! (Interview via Gothamist.)