How Should Ridley Scott Update Blade Runner 4 The Kidz?

It is already a little bit off-putting when Hollywood insists on remaking some of your favorite films because it’s like wait, what happened, did we destroy all of the copies of the film and we aren’t allowed to ever watch it again is that what happened because otherwise why are we remaking this since it already exists and is great? (That is a good sentence, well structured, and most importantly: the proper length.) It is even weirder when the director who made the movie in the first place is the one who insists on doing it over again. Such is the case with Ridley Scott and Blade Runner, as being reported by Deadline (and everyone else) today.

After revisiting his classic Alien with the upcoming 3D Fox film Prometheus, Ridley Scott is committing to direct and produce a film that advances his other seminal and groundbreaking science fiction film. Scott has signed on to direct and produce a new installment of Blade Runner. He’ll make the film with Alcon Entertainment, producing with Alcon partners Broderick Johnson and Andrew Kosove. This would be the most high profile project for Alcon since The Blind Side.

Oh man, I really hope that little boy from The Blind Side plays one of the robots in the new movie! Also, Ridley Scott is revisiting Blade Runner AFTER he revisits Alien? What’s wrong, Ridley Scott? Did all your magazine subscriptions run out? Did they cancel your account over at Shake it up, buddy! Oh well. If he is going to do it, we might as well help him make it super cool and fresh for today’s audiences!

  • The little boy from The Blind Side plays one of the robots.
  • The robots are iPhones.
  • Also: hoverboards.
  • Every time Harrison Ford passes a robot in the hallway he throws a Slushee in its face.
  • The part of Harrison Ford is played by Russell Brand.
  • Something something Tina Fey so hot right now.
  • None of the characters talk to each other, they just SEXT all their dialog back and forth.
  • From the mind of Diablo Cody.
  • President Robot Robama.
  • Instead of too much self-awareness making the robots angry towards humans, they just get together and make a mumblecore movie within the movie. Robot Charlie Kauffman to direct.
  • The movie is filmed in 4D.
  • And takes place on Pandora.
  • The movie is just a Twitter account.
  • Blade Runner 2: #swag