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“Gwyneth Paltrow Saved A Life On Sept. 11″

Guys, I hope today isn’t laundry day, because you’re going to need a new pair of pants after you read this fucking thing. From People (reposted in its entirety):

Gwyneth Paltrow is already an Oscar winner, cookbook author, mother of two and wife of a rock star – and now she can add lifesaver to her list of accomplishments.

Lara Lundstrom Clarke believes her life was saved by a chance encounter with the actress on Sept. 11, 2001, according to The Morton Report.

Clarke was rushing to get to work at the Twin Towers in New York City when she jaywalked in order to get to the subway station. As she crossed 7th Avenue, a Mercedes SUV came barreling toward her.

Both Clarke and the car stopped in their tracks, and as the driver waved her across she realized it was Paltrow behind the wheel. The near-collision caused Clarke to miss her train, and by the time she got to work, the first plane had hit the World Trade Center.

Four people in her office died that day.

Much like Sliding Doors, the movie starring Paltrow about a chance romantic encounter that depended on catching a train, Clarke’s life was forever changed by her moment with the actress.

When contacted by The Morton Report, Paltrow’s publicist Stephen Huvane confirmed the accuracy of the incident and added that Paltrow, 38, was “deeply moved” by the story.

Holy. Crap. COME WITH ME AFTER THE JUMP, WON’T YOU:

Look, Gwyneth Paltrow sort of just stumbled into this one. We recognize that. She is not claiming that she saved a life on 9/11, and the closest she has even come to responding to this story is through the mouthpiece of a publicist, which means that she probably doesn’t even know about it. Too busy taking her $2,500 coffee machine to ye repair shoppe. But regardless of her involvement or lack thereof, it is somehow completely befitting that she of all celebrities is the one that gets a story like this, and that it all involves her ALMOST HITTING SOMEONE WITH HER S.U.V. Holy moly. I mean, COME ON. Also, the write-up is basically perfect. Here are a few of my favorite parts:

Gwyneth Paltrow is already an Oscar winner, cookbook author, mother of two and wife of a rock star – and now she can add lifesaver to her list of accomplishments. Haha. Yup.

Both Clarke and the car stopped in their tracks, and as the driver waved her across she realized it was Paltrow behind the wheel. This part seems the most true about the whole story. I definitely believe that after ALMOST CRUSHING SOMEONE WITH HER MERCEDES S.U.V. that Gwyneth Paltrow BENEVOLENTLY waves the poor civilian across the street. “Don’t worry, citizen. My car is fine! No harm no foul. Off to the coal factory with you!”

Four people in her office died that day. Yeah. We kind of all know what happened on 9/11, thanks.

Much like Sliding Doors NO COMMENT.

…publicist Stephen Huvane confirmed the accuracy of the incident Hahaha. Wait, what? “Yeah, Gwyneth definitely almost killed a pedestrian with her S.U.V. on that horrible day. And also on most other days.”

Unbelievable. UNBELIEVABLE!

Gwyneth Paltrow, you guys. NEVER FORGET.