That Is Your Film Director: Shaquille O’Neal

Let’s just get right to it: Shaquille O’Neal is taking film school classes to become a director of movies. From TMZ:

Shaquille O’Neal is giving the movie biz another shot — yes, even after “Kazaam” and “Steel” — and this time he wants to be a director!

Shaq is about to complete the Filmmaking Conservatory at the New York Film Academy’s branch at Universal Studios Hollywood. Shaq’s been very hands-on during directing and cinematography classes — walking his crew through stunts and shooting on the studio’s famous back lot.

According to the school, Shaq has been “incredibly humble, funny, and likable” … or just the usual Shaq.

JUST THE USUAL SHAQ! This is kind of a sidenote that doesn’t have a lot to do with the film school thing, but clearly Shaquille O’Neal has incriminating pictures of Harvey Levin’s butthole or something, right? Because regardless of what Shaq may be, I am confident that the first and most readily agreed upon description would not be “incredibly humble, funny, and likable.” I would go with maybe “very tall, kind of aloof, and looked right through everyone.” But also: SHAQUILLE O’NEAL IS IN FILM SCHOOL CAN’T WAIT TO SEE HIS GREAT MOVIES! Here are a few ideas for his new career:

  • Basketball Draft: a retired basketball player is on a cat and mouse chase with an arsonist.
  • Long Day’s Journey Into Shaq: a day in the life of an American family featuring a retired basketball player’s devastating morphine addiction.
  • White Men Can’t Jump: a remake of White Men Can’t Jump.
  • Shaq: when the 7’1″ president falls ill, his advisors cover it up by putting a look-alike in the White House.
  • Everyone Says I Dunk You: a middling musical set in Paris.