Hello everyone! Our interns Andrew, Joe, and Kelly are back, ALL THREE OF THEM!, to pick up a few videos that have fallen through the Videogum cracks this week. Very exciting. After the jump, “hear” them discuss a cat song (ooooohh), a dog doing tricks (oooOOooooohh), and an ice cream tester (whhoooOooaa), while they try to figure out whether these videos are enjoyably annoying or just regular annoying, as we all have to do every single day we watch videos on the internet . I think it will be a very close call with a few of them! Let’s see what they have to say!
Duh Aficionado mag cub reporter Andrew Kornfeld here, and have I got some non-news for you: There are a lot of animal videos on the Internet! “Have you guys heard about this?” — Jay Leno. “Yes.” — Kevin Eubanks. “Cars.” — Jay again. BUT I DIGRESS. Many of these videos are pretty unremarkable, and unless it’s your dog or bird or koala somebody caught on film you probably aren’t going to give them a second thought once that ol’ “just watched” screen pops up. In my humble opinion, this cat video succeeds where those others fail. We’re invited to consider our feline friends’ ignorance of their own mortality. Inspiring pathos and envy in equal measure, the examination of–I’m kidding. This is basically just a regular video of an adorable pet doing inane pet things, except it has a catchy song about how dumb kittens are to go with it. (And that song has lots of swears. Headphones up!) –Andrew
At first glance, there’s nothing particularly interesting about this video. It’s a smart dog doing smart things. We’ve seen enough of that. “Joe, you’re my friend and I normally trust your judgment, but why are you making me watch this video of a smart dog doing smart things?” That’s you. That’s what you’re saying. However, and I’m sure you saw this coming — let’s re-envision this video? That’s your Gabe! Just think of this as the “reboot” of the Gabe canon, where you see him as a young pup (LOL), navigating the straits of adolescence before eventually transforming into the confident and virile blogger you know him as today. Gabe’s mom, who teaches him all those tricks, certainly looks good for her age. How she gave birth to a dog is beyond me but we live in an era when the nuclear family is not so rigidly defined as it once was. Sometimes you have two dads, sometimes your baby sister is adopted, and sometimes your mother is a dog. There is no “normal” family, and that’s fine! Or, hold on, we can do this the other way too! Just think of that bulldog as the editor of Videogum…wearing a suit, smoking a cigar…“Kelly, I need that pie chart on my desk by tomorrow noon!” You know, people scoff at fan fiction but I think it’s a pretty healthy way to live out your fantasies without hurting anyone. –Joe
When I was a younger, I wanted to be a lawyer. I watched The Practice a lot, and knew an annoying kid’s amount of faux legalese (“Mom, these peas are OBJECTIONABLE”.) Needless to say, I had lots of friends and was super popular. Almost TOO popular. So many friends. I remember one friend in particular who was adamant about her desire to become a racecar driver until I convinced her that girls weren’t allowed in NASCAR. Whoops! My b! Hope you found another, more attainable job, Jessica! It seemed as though all of my peers wanted to be astronauts, firefighters, or videogame makers. Or ice cream tasters. While this job may seem made up, in reality, it makes perfect sense. Someone has to make sure the Ben and Jerry’s Double Dipped Reesesion peanut butter cup flavor is up to par (topical!). But, I hope no one I know ever has this job. Because this video contains the most obnoxious 33 seconds ever captured on film (and it was clearly captured on film, sorry about the quality). I would hate to think that I could have so much vitriol for someone that I knew in real life. Smacking their lips to “aerate the flavor,” talking while their mouths are full of ice cream. It’s disgraceful. Leave the table, sir! You have terrible and disgusting manners. You may return when you learn to eat ice cream like a normal person. In a dark room, hovered over a laptop, hiding your shame from God. So many friends, you guys. Still totes popular. –Kelly