Videogum

Interns’ Corner: Picks Of The Week

Hello everyone and welcome back to Interns’ Corner, where our Videogum interns are allowed, for a brief moment, to take the mic and say something about a video and then politely pass the mic to the next intern, in alphabetical order. This week Andrew, Joe, and Kelly have chosen some timely (Kelly), Internet-y (Joe), and just kind of weird (Andrew) videos to share with you, so why don’t we just get to them? Huh? Let’s get to them. Right now.

Andrew’s Pick

Like a lot of people in the United States of America in the Year of Our Lord 2011, I am pretty upset with the rich! It’s not fair that they get to do their rich person things while the little guy has to suffer (that’s what I call my penis). Do you know what I would do if I were fabulously wealthy? I would work a really terrible 9-to-5 job so that I understood how the common people felt! Then, after a long day at the factory, I would strap on my rocket boots, spacesuit up, and fly off to my mansion, which is located on a moon-sized caviar planet that I personally had put into Earth’s orbit by a team of cosmonaut dogs on loan from the Russian space program. Anyway, someone made a video about some stupid rich assholes doing their stupid rich asshole stuff. The audio is NOT edited. This is what rich people’s lives are really like. (Headphones up, ’cause these guys are ENTITLED — moneyed elite pun — to swear a little.) –Andrew

Joe’s Pick

This is a very long video, I understand. Almost 8 minutes. And you are an adult with a salary! There’s no way you have time to watch this video of a teenager (ha! who needs ‘em?) having a funny time after a wisdom tooth operation. BUT! Consider this: in the rich and varied genre that is the “Funny-Post-Wisdom-Tooth-Operation-Kid” genre, this might be the pinnacle, the absolute refinement of everything it has to offer. No more wisdom tooth videos after this! Thank you, Internet, but we are fine. So let’s consider the elements that make this video what it is. First, you remember that kid in high school who at first you thought was “cooler” than you and kind of a jerk, but later on realized he’s just a dope who doesn’t mean you any harm? This might be him! Also, remember your friend from high school’s mom? That is her! She’s so chill about everything! But don’t tell that to your friend, he always denies it. (“Try living with her.”) And of course, we can’t forget the moment when our protagonist reveals his bloody gauze, giving the audience just the right amount of shock. This is real life, after all. There’s blood sometimes. If you can’t handle it, you don’t understand transgressive art. Better stick to Transfomers, buddy. LOL. –Joe

Kelly’s Pick

I hear there’s a heat wave! I hadn’t noticed. As you may know, the internet is indoors, which means that I’ve been chillin’ (ugh) in the cardigan weather of my basement for the past few days. I’m not sure exactly what a “wave” of heat entails, but something tells me that it’s unpleasant, to say the least! Although I’ve had no incentive to go outside and have my head melt and my clothes catch fire, I am sympathetic to the plight of those braver than I am who dare to venture beyond the walls. According to the lamestream media, it’s important to keep cool even as the sun attempts to suck out your life essence and make you sweat through your clothes like a hooker on Sunday. One of the best ways I’ve found to beat the heat is to lounge around in a pool with eleven of your best friends of all different races and sexes. Add eleven super soakers, a bunch of beach balls, and a sprinkler hat and you’re halfway there. A little choreography, some cartwheels, and a few cannonballs later and baby, you’ve got yourself a pool party. Use this video as an amuse-bouche to get yourself ready for an entire weekend filled with summer fun! Beat the heat! Seriously. Beat it to death with a blunt object; no jury in the world would convict you. –Kelly