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AutoWed Wedding Vending Machines Should Exist Everywhere

Person #1: Ooh, this looks fun. What’s this?
Person #2: Hmm “AutoWed.” I guess it’s, like, a wedding thing?
Person #1: Oh, weird. I’ve never seen anything like this before. It looks so old-timey. I wonder what it does. It’s so cute!
Person #2: Yeeaahh…I don’t know. Yeah, it’s cute.
Person #1: How much is it?
Person #2: A dollar, I guess. It says a dollar but there’s only a quarter slot.
Person #1: [Reaches into pocket] I have four quarters. [Shrugs.]
Person #2: Huh. Well.
Person #1: [Puts quarters into machine.]
Person #2: Haha. Oh. Ok, well. Haha.

AutoWed Machine: Please select your union. Press 1 for–
Person #1: [Presses 1]
Person #2: You didn’t even let it finish.
Person #1: Oh, didn’t I? It said “Press 1 for straight.”
Person #2: No…it hadn’t said anything yet.
Person #1: Oh. Well, whatever!
AutoWed Machine: Please enter the grooms’s name–
Person #1: [Enters groom’s name, presses 1]
Person #2: Haha, oh, well, this is moving pretty fast, wouldn’t you–
AutoWed Machine: Please en–
Person #1: [Enters bride’s name, presses 1]
AutoWed Machine: Do you take–
Person #1: [Presses 1]
AutoWed Machine: Do you take–
Person #1: [Presses 1]
Person #2: One of those was probably mine to answer.
Person #1: What?
AutoWed Machine: [Dispenses rings]
Person #1: [Puts on ring, takes person #2’s hand, puts on ring]
Person #2: That was cute, the way it spit out the rings. I wasn’t expecting that part.
AutoWed Machine: Congratulations, you may now kiss.
Person #2: Hahah [Looks at ring, takes out phone]
Person #1: [Looks at Person #2]
Person #2: [Looks at phone]
Person #1: [Looks at Person #2]
Person #2: [Looks at phone]
Person #1: [Looks at Person #2]
Person #2: [Looks at phone]
Person #1: [Grabs Person #2’s head, kisses violently.]
Person #2: HEY–
Person #1: WE’RE MARRIED WE’RE MARRIED WE’RE MARRIED WE’RE MARRIED!!!
Person #2: This isn’t real, it’s just a toy machin–
Person #1: [Places handcuff around own wrist, takes other handcuff and places it around Person #2’s wrist] We’ll be together forever! [Throws away handcuffs key.]
Person #2: HELP!!! [Tries to unlock phone]
Person #1: [Takes phone, throws it on the ground, steps on it.] That’s no way to treat your spouse.
AutoWed Machine: [Prints out marriage certificate]

Scene

[Via TheUniblog.]