Videogum

This Week In Movie Trailers, You Guys

I was listening to an interview with J.J. Abrams on Fresh Air a couple of weeks ago and Terry Gross was asking him where he gets his ideas, basically, and where he got the idea for Super 8 in particular, and he said that originally it was supposed to just be like a modern-day Stand By Me, and just be about the children and how they love to make movies together, but then at a certain point he decided that it needed something else, and he had this other idea about Area 51, so he combined them, and it’s just like, uh, dude, you should have stuck to your original plan! That was such a good plan! The best part of that whole movie was the kids and their interactions with each other and their kid lives. The rest of it felt phony and unnecessary and was the reason the ending was unsatisfying. Oh well. The point is, Hollywood, have more faith in yourself! You can do it! Of course, Super 8 is a movie that has already come out. Let’s look at these trailers for movies that haven’t come out yet (goooood segue!):

The Myth of the American Sleepover

I know that all movies are basically the same at this point and everything is a gentle rehashing of something that has come before, but some movies definitely look MORE the same and like a GENTLER rehashing of things that came before. “Remember the first time you fell in love?” Yes. Next question.

The Undefeated

Oh brother. Does this need a comment? How about NO COMMENT.

The Iron Lady

Finally, OUR generation’s The Queen! Man, Meryl Streep, you guys! So good at acting. It is weird that no one ever talk about how good she is at acting or respects her for it or gives her any awards in recognition of it. It’s just this hidden little secret that only you and I know about. That’s fine, let’s keep it that way. Shhhhhh.

Assassination Games

Hahhaha. “I am a weapon. A 95-year-old weapon.” Jean Claude Van Damme should go on Antiques Roadshow and have himself appraised. Also, why do the two assassins team up? Just kidding, NO SPOILERS! Can’t wait to find out why they team up. I bet it’s a good reason that makes sense. I also can’t wait to see if the audio quality is the same throughout the movie as it is in this video. Something tells me it’s PRETTY CLOSE.

5 Days of War

Hmmm. I think a movie about war photography is a perfectly reasonable movie. But do they really have to play all of that cruddy action movie music like this is a real action movie? I thought war was hell, so why does it sound so EXCITING? Also: one more reference to “saving our files” or “uploading our files to the datalink” or “they’re targeting our files!” or “you have 30 seconds to give me your files or I throw you into the laser-shark tank, Mr. Bond” and I am out of here. Goodbye!