Over the weekend, Paris Hilton was photographed repeatedly in the company of Todd Phillips, the director of The Hangover Part II because of course she was. This one is just the two of them riding around in a car, but there’s other ones. Like, KISSING ONES! Eek! I’m sorry! I’m sorry! Do not click! Now, look, it’s like they say: the heart wants what it wants! And Todd Phillips’s heart wants Paris Hilton. (I am sure it is his heart. It certainly can’t be his brain.) Who are we to judge or criticize the blooming of true love? But just because we abstain from judging or criticizing this disgusting, beautiful thing, doesn’t mean we can’t caption it! Obviously, we know what Paris Hilton is thinking. It’s something like, “I’m going to text my vagina bedazzler and see if she can squeeze me in for an appointment tomorrow between brunch at Christian Audigier’s space station and my 3PM interview with Cocaine Aficionado Magazine.” But what is Todd Phillips thinking?!