Stop Urinating On This Guy’s Apartment Building

Public urination is a thing that makes me very grossed out and, simultaneously, kind of jealous. I would like to be able to discreetly urinate anywhere. That would make life slightly easier, and don’t we all want a slightly easier life? Ladies? Gentlemen who’d rather not go number one in public, no matter what? Though when I see anyone doing it (which is rarely, maybe contrary to how this is making it seem so far) I’m the first to tell them that that is so gross and I can’t believe you’re just going to pee HERE. In the world. With everything all around you! Life is hard and feelings about public urination are hard to keep straight. Not for this guy, though! Haha. Yes, in this video a man from Hoxten, England who is tired of people urinating on his apartment building and the buildings surrounding it films outside of his window for an hour. He catches a surprising amount of public urinators being very gross and shouts that they’re “on YouTube,” which was a lie at that moment, I doubt he was streaming* the video live to YouTube, but in any case:

“Ur-eye-nul.” Did you catch how he pronounced urinal? Hahah. That’s not how we pronounce it here. Anyway, yes, this is upsetting. In a story about this issue in the Hackney Gazette (you all subscribe to it on your eReaders probably?), an executive member for environment on Islington Council (sure) said:

We have recently met with licensing and police and I will be asking our staff – and the authorities in Hackney – to do everything in our power to sort out this problem.”

And also:

A Hackney Council spokeswoman added that they are aware of the issue and places three portable urinals near Hoxton Square area at the weekends to try and tackle it.

But, I don’t know, I think this problem could be easily solved in one of a few different ways. First, turn the entire city into a toilet. Then they can just pee anywhere and it would be appropriate. Here’s another: Outlaw liquids, then they’d have to urinate a lot less or would at least have to go to another town to do it. Here’s another: Electrify a few walls and a few spots on the ground so you never know what’s electrified and you never know where is safe to pee, so you either take your chances (and if you don’t get electrocuted, that’s fine, you deserve to pee) or you just go to a normal bathroom, or you die. These are just right off the top of my head right now. Oh here’s another: Get a bunch of creepy guys to just stand around and say creepy things to the people peeing. Or make it so it’s never nighttime. Or stigmatize urination and teach all the kids that they should be very ashamed of it and after a while it’ll just work itself out. I can’t STOP thinking of ways to solve this problem. (Via Reddit.)