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Stop Hugging Yourself, Stop Hugging Yourself, Stop Hugging Yourself

Remember the robot that let you french kiss a straw? (Famously discussed here?) You remember. You were so excited about it! You wouldn’t stop talking about it, like, “Where can I get my hands on one of those straw robots?” Well, luckily for you, the inventor of that robot, Nobuhiro Takahashi, has developed a new lonely person robot! And this one is even better! He explains:

Usually people feel nothing, or they even feel bad, when they hug strangers, but they experience feelings of satisfaction, love and comfort when they hug a boyfriend or girlfriend. We wondered how humans would feel if they could hug themselves.

Uh, I can tell you how humans would feel if they could hug themselves, Nobuhiro. GREAT, OBVIOUSLY.

I really do wish I could feel what it would be like to hug myself. Or I wish I could feel like what it would be like to hug myself if I were a person much larger than myself. You know? Like how it would feel if I were a giant, hugging normal Kelly. Also I would like to have a conversation with myself. And review all of my life choices and personality defects as if I were an outside party. And then I would write down everything I thought about myself, from the perspective of that outside party, and then I’d review it when I was back to normal and see what I REALLY thought about myself. You know, just like what everybody else wants? When will you allow us to do that, Japan?

More than hug myself, though, I’d like to hug Nobuhiro Takahashi. Omgggoood. A little more intense, please. I like my hugs to feel a liiiitle more like you’re trying to stop me from being able to fight back. (Via Reddit.)