This Is Just A Video Of David Hasselhoff Eating A David Hasselhoff Popsicle, So, Normal Stuff

When you read about celebrities, you mostly hear the same complaints: that the disappearance of privacy is maddening, and also that cocaine omelets are delicious. Those are the two stories that are in all the magazines. Anyway, what they DON’T tell you, is that sometimes a celebrity’s natural narcissism is met with a world more than willing to accommodate him/her. I know I’ve written about this before, but did you know that Liberace had a male lover for whom he paid an intensive and invasive plastic surgery procedure to make him look MORE LIKE LIBERACE so that LIBERACE COULD FUCK HIMSELF? You know, stuff like that, normal stuff. When you compare the video after the jump to something like that it’s almost not even worth talking about. Del Monte made a popsicle in the shape of David Hasselhoff for some reason and David Hasselhoff not only has to eat a popsicle of himself, but he also has to do an interview ABOUT THE POPSICLE and then he has to walk around the streets of what looks like Dusseldorf or whatever, who even knows anymore, and talk to people about the popsicle, like, hey, you guys, check out this popsicle, it’s in the shape of me, and I have a lot of emotional problems because of my life and career and yet still people are jealous of me, go figure, yum, beat the heat! SNORE! Call me when David Hasselhoff sport-fucks his own face! (Oh good grief. I am so sorry for this whole post. My only comfort is that I did not invent celebrity culture. Or popsicles. Just kidding, I would KILL to have invented popsicles. Oh well.)

Yum! Beat the heat! Indeed. (Via foodiggity. Thanks for the tip, Merrill.)