Game Of Thrones Season One Finale

“Good Matrix joke, Gabe. Very timely, relevant, and it makes a lot of sense.”
“Thanks, Littlefinger!”

Game of Thronessssssssss! Man oh man, this show. Like, what? So good, THAT IS WHAT. I read the books a long time ago (ladies, find me on LinkedIn*) but I basically forgot everything that happens. So much happens! Basically, everything happens? In case you missed most of the season, here’s a brief recap: the wall, rape, Prince Joffrey, and a girl eats a horse heart. That pretty much covers it. Now that you’re all caught up, can we talk about the season finale? GOOD SEASON FINALE! History buffs love it. I know that the big “thing” that “happened” was in the second to last episode, because that is the way you do it. That’s how The Wire did it. The second to last episode of The Wire was always the most intense one. But OK so now there are so many wars and Arya Stark is a little boy, a little black boy, King Joffrey has been watching Hostel 2, apparently, and like I said, I don’t remember what happens in the books, but I sure hope King Joffrey becomes Dead Little Boy Joffrey in season 2. ASCEND TO THE IRON HEAVEN, YOU DICK. Meanwhile, that wildling up at Winterfell clearly got a fourth hour Today Show makeover from Al Roker since we first met her because YOWZA she was looking much better! Love those sensible shoes and that sharp haircut. Tyrion Lannister: Emmy Award Winner. Jaime Lannister: Rock to the Head Winner. Jon Snow is a true brother of the night’s watch now. Fun Fact: the brothers of the night’s watch only have three movies on DVD to watch at the wall: There’s Something About Mary, Wall-E, and Tokyo Drift. Of course, the most exciting development in the season finale was when that old man talked about fucking kings for an hour and a half just kidding. What was that scene, though? Like, pretty sure we already knew that guy was really old? Got it. This is the season finale of a sprawling, epic fantasy and you are going to spend two hours with an old man forgetting where he put his keys (they are on top of your head, silly!)? Fair enough. No, but, THE DRAGONS. Hello, dragons. You know, I didn’t really think that I had a “type” before, but it turns out I totally have a type: naked blondes covered in soot who are surrounded by three baby dragons. MARRY ME, KHALEESO!

Game of Thrones, you guys. Right? Right!

*You will never find me on LinkedIn.