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Tobey Maguire For Prada, Obviously

Hahha. Whoa! Congratulations, LADIES! Looks all all of your work with The Secret trying to will the Universe into making Muccia Prada hire Tobey Maguire as the company’s spokesperson has finally paid off. What is even going on here? Like, Tobey Maguire is a pretty good actor. I think the Cider House Rules is kind of stupid, but he was definitely good in Spider-Man 1 and Spider-Man 2, and he was at the very least hilarious in Spider-Man 3. JAZZ HANDS! (See also: Wonder Boys and The Ice Storm, both good!) But a high-end fashion template? Is this that thing where you are supposed to think a model is pretty because she is so ugly? Because the guy has got gobble chin and anime eyes and baby voice and bobble head. No problem! I ain’t care! I can’t afford this stuff anyways. Boo hoo, I’m sure. Who am I trying to impress? The mouse that lives in my oven? Besides, these ads aren’t for guys, they are for girls, and girls, we all like what we like. I’m sure this was a better choice than Jon Hamm. I’m sure Chris Hemsworth was like “Muccia, please, I couldn’t possibly do this until Tobey Maguire has turned it down. It wouldn’t be right, as the second-best-looking man in the world, to steal food from his gorgeous mouth.” Man, Chris Hemsworth, you guys. Did you see Thor? I am not gay, because it’s not gay to be in love with a GOD. (This post is normal. Good post. Let’s blog.)

Click through to enlarge if you want to do that for some reason, and also a second photo of Tobey Maguire looking like he’s writing “Mr. Prada” on his jeans with a Sharpie only to cross it out and start crying again.

Sorry, other spokespeople. It’s a wrap at the 2011 Spokesperson Awards. Clean sweep for Mr. Magooire. (Via AdWeek.)