Falcon Heene’s Balloon Now Only $1,000,000!

Remember Falcon Heene? You remember Falcon Heene. He was the first child rapper to travel into space the attic. You might also remember his father, Richard Heene? Creator of Pscience Detecives? Helloo? McFly? Well, now that Mr. Heene and his wife, Mrs. Heene, have been released from jail after serving their time for Conspiracy to Convince the World Their Child Was in Outerspace, they have decided to do something to help the people of Japan. Wait, what? From TMZ:

Richard posted a video online last week — in which he claims his family wants to help with the tsunami relief efforts in Japan … and to kick things off, he’s already set a “purchase now” price on the balloon for $1,000,000.

Heene claims he will not make a penny off the saucer — saying he hired an attorney to distribute any profits from the private online auction to Japanese tsunami relief charities.

Hahaha. What? I mean, the devastation in Japan is a worthy cause and I hope someone gives them a million dollars to fix it, but who wants that stupid balloon? I thought we were all pretty much in agreement that the balloon was a piece of crap and that the people who made it were jerks and liars. Seems a bit steep. Now, a million dollars for a balloon that DID have a little boy fearing desperately for his life inside of it and you might have yourself a deal. Video of Heene’s proposal after the jump:

Ugh, he is so gross! Why is he acting like we’re all Team Heene on this one? And why does he sound like he’s just trying to move a couple more units of Bear Scratchers? I do like how he just assumes that we all understand why he couldn’t possibly go to Japan and help out with his hands and that this was the only option, selling his crap for a million dollars and just assuring us that the money will DEFINITELY go to the “right charities,” whatever the hell that means. Don’t assume that, sir. Some of us think that you should totally go to Japan and help out with your hands. You’ve got nothing else to do. You’re certainly not raising your children, you don’t have any more jail time to serve, and your career as an inventor is a total bust. Go! Enjoy! Goodbye! Goodbye forever!