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The Hunt For The Worst Movie Of All Time: Summer Series

The Hunt for the Worst Movie of All Time has been on hiatus for a month and a half, and there was a moment there where I thought perhaps the hiatus was permanent. Perhaps, I thought for a few of those weeks, our work here is done. We have chased more than a thousand movies (I’m sure that number is accurate) through these proverbial nightmare woods, and we’ve slain some of the most awful beasts. Especially with the last entry, Garden State, it seemed as if we had plumbed the awful depths and we had struck the silty, stinky bottom. Enough, I thought. What else? Sleep, I thought. Let us sleep.

And then something happened.

This past weekend, I saw the movie Somewhere, written and directed by Sofia Coppola. HOLY MOLY IS THAT A TERRIBLE MOVIE! One of the worst of all time. I have a lot to say about it, and I’m going to. Later. But in watching that self-indulgent episode of Entourage, I realized with sadness that our work was hardly finished. There was still plenty left to do. And so: THE HUNT CONTINUES! Nominate your movies here. Next week we will announce the latest round, starting with Sofia Coppola’s Somewhere. When considering whether or not to nominate a movie for the Hunt, please review the Official Rules:

  1. It cannot be intentionally horrible.
  2. It must have at least one A- or B-list movie star in it. (No “outsider art.”)
  3. It cannot be Glitter. (Or Crossroads.)
  4. It has to have had a theatrical release.
  5. It must be available on Netflix.
  6. No matter how bad the movie, it cannot be based on a popular superhero.
  7. No musicals.
  8. No Robin Williams movies (Note: In a lead role. Supporting roles will be considered on a case by case basis)
  9. Only one Nicolas Cage movie per “round.”
  10. No children’s movies.
  11. Gabe is the boss.

Sigh. It is like we have taken the black. Game of Thrones reference. Would that a White Walker would chop my fucking head off. Enough complaining. Neck crack. OK. SOUND THE HORNS, THE HUNT BEGINS ANEW!