10 Tips For Hosting A Royal Wedding Viewing Party

Whose got Royal Wedding fever?! Everyone, probably. According to Katie Couric, everyone has it. The thing about the Royal Wedding is that it just make sense for people to care about. We live in America in the year 2011, so naturally we’re just going to gravitate to pomp and excitement of a titular prince whose brother likes to dress up in Nazi costumes getting married to a woman from Marks and Spencer (just kidding, I don’t know what that is) while that lady from Kids in the Hall watches from a balcony. So neat! So relevant to the things that we all enjoy and find important! Anyway, since we are definitely ALL throwing a Royal Wedding viewing party tomorrow (I’ve got the episode of the Today Show where Al Roker taught us how to make crumpets DVR’ed and I’ve watched it five times to GET READY!) here are 10 tips to make yours jolly good cheerio:

1. Don’t throw a fucking Royal Wedding viewing party, are you kidding? Who cares about this stupid thing?!
2. Have you seen Sherlock yet? The BBC’s new modernized take on Sherlock Holmes? If you haven’t, you should host a Sherlock viewing party! (Even if you HAVE, you should host a Sherlock viewing party. Watch it again!)
3. Or Luther, that is also great!
4. Ooh, make invitations for your Sherlock/Luther viewing party that shows Sherlock and Luther holding hands! Hahaha! I love both of them equally.
5. Make some thematic snacks. Like, pipes filled with crushed oreos for Sherlock, or, for Luther, cucumber sandwiches that can only be eaten after a rigorous game of cat and mouse with a sociopath.
6. You know what, this is starting to sound like a lot of work. You don’t have to have a viewing party for anything. Read a book for once!
7. You could also just sleep in. The Royal Wedding airs at six in the morning? THE FUCK IT DOES!
8. Did you sleep in? Good. Now have breakfast!
9. A good host or hostess always sends his or her guests a thank you note. In this case, thank everyone for not talking to you about the Royal Wedding because what is there to talk about?
10. Throw England in the garbage.

That ought to do it. See you at 6AM just kidding goodnight!