As by now you have most certainly heard, unless for some reason your Google Alert for “Nicolas Cage newz” is broken, in which case, please check to see that your Google Alerts for “Nicolas Cage newz” are current and operational, Nicolas Cage was arrested over the weekend on domestic assault charges. According to reports, he was drunkenly yelling at his wife on the streets of New Orleans (and possibly punching cars, you know, normal weekend stuff), at which point someone called the police (not his wife, incidentally, not sure how much that matters). They told Nicolas Cage to just go home, to which he shouted, “Why don’t you just arrest me?” So they did. That’s what happens when you shout that. Of course, the most amazing part of the story is that Nicolas Cage’s $11,000 bond was posted by DUANE “THE DOG” CHAPMAN, Bountyhunter At Law. Incredible! Oh, I hope that Nicolas Cage does not show up to his scheduled court appearance on May 31 and Duane “The Dog” Chapman, Bountyhunter at Law, has to bountyhunt him. Nicolas Cage: the most dangerous game!
Of course, throughout this whole ordeal one thing remains unknown: What was Nicolas Cage’s prison nickname? And if you point out that he was probably just kept in a holding cell, and at the most extreme, some kind of low-level county jail, but that he was never actually sent to prison, which is for convicted criminals, then you are missing the point, and YOUR prison nicknmame is Ol’ Shut Up.