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Monsters’ Ball: The Week’s Best Comments

After the jump, the five Highest Rated comments, as voted on by you, the Lowest Rated comment, the Private Dancer Caption Contest winner, and the Guest Editor’s Choice.

This Week’s Highest Rated Comments

#5 badideajeans | Apr 8th Score:80

Seriously, you guys, the gold you get at your favorite grocery store (even Dean & Deluca) can be made from melted wedding rings and is usually acquired via Cash for Gold. And it’s really hard to get the taste of the Poors out of your mouth. Certain champagnes help, but you have to drink A LOT. So it’s so much easier to just go with the Spanish coins gold — plus I cannot tell you ENOUGH about how great that sangria is.

Posted in: A Review Of Gwyneth Paltrow’s Cookbook
#4 badideajeans | Apr 8th Score:80

Her recipe for organic saffron truffles with shaved gold leaf is AMAZING. And she brings up a very good point about knowing where your gold comes from — something she learned from Sting’s wife. If possible, see if you can get Spanish or Portuguese gold coins from the 17th century as their shavings pair very well with homemade Sangria done in the peasant fashion (an included recipe she collected while traveling through the Continent with Moby and Christy Turlington on a moped).

Posted in: A Review Of Gwyneth Paltrow’s Cookbook
#3 gwyneth paltrow | Apr 8th Score:92

I’m guessing you’ve already figured out who I dedicated my recipe for “A Hot Bowl of Dicks” to.

Posted in: A Review Of Gwyneth Paltrow’s Cookbook
#2 Frank Lloyd Wrong | Apr 12th Score:96

Someone at work just complimented me on how crisp my shirt looked and I said “Yeah, it’s because I don’t buy underaged hookers.”

Unrelated: How do I file for unemployment?

Posted in: Ashton Kutcher’s New Anti-Child Slavery PSA Campaign Is Insane
#1 Polythene Pam | Apr 8th Score:154

“my father’s daughter” was the only way Gwyneth Paltrow could convince her publishers to let her call the book “Me”

Posted in: A Review Of Gwyneth Paltrow’s Cookbook

This Week’s Lowest Rated Comment

#1 unionman | Apr 13th Score:-29
Hahahahaha. Way to call out those politicians for their cheap suits, Gabe. I love how you can make fun of someone’s suit or talk about all these 5 star restaurants you eat at and literally in the very next sentence talk shit about other people not understanding the dilemma many minorities in America find themselves in. Hahaha. I mean, you clearly do, so please continue.
Posted in: Best New Party Game 51: #NotIntendedToBeAFactualStatement

[Ed. note: You know what, fair enough! I don’t think my off-hand comment about politicians wearing suits was even remotely the point of that post, but in general you are right that I am walking a very fine line between criticizing rich people and celebrities and politicians when I myself lead a relatively comfortable life all things told. It’s true! I rent an apartment and everything! I am not sure how much I talk about eating in five star restaurants? Is that a thing I do? I guess I did mention eating in a nice restaurant in a Top Chef recap one time, so you caught me out in the moral LIE that is my life. Although thanks for reading my Top Chef recaps so carefully! And to your original point, my initial inclination was to point out to you that THERE’S NO SUCH THING AS A FIVE STAR RESTAURANT, the rating system only goes up to three stars, so YOU WIN AGAIN! That being said, I went back and looked through some of your other comments and contrary to what seems to be a very real problem for you, this site didn’t suddenly become an off-shoot of the Huffington Post. Our first political post was written on April 7, 2008, which, if you do the math, is actually one day BEFORE the site launched. So, we’ve always covered politics to some degree or another, especially during election cycles. Moreover, we’ve always been pretty straight-forward about our political positions because to do otherwise would be disingenuous. Since the political posts bother you so much, and you keep saying they are not what you come here for, which is perfectly reasonable, might I make a suggestion: DON’T READ THEM! If you actually look at the site, political posts make up a very small fraction of what’s going on here. Why get so upset about it? You can just watch the videos! Or, and this is your nuclear option, you could just stop reading the site. That is also your choice. But I’m not sure how far you are going to get complaining that the site continues to be what it always has been? That seems like a losing battle. Oh, also, do me a favor and please stop calling everyone else in the comments “dicks” and “assholes” and saying “fuck you” to everybody. I know that you might feel put upon and bullied when you get into arguments about abortion funding, and if that is the case I’m sorry, although if you don’t come here for the political posts, I have no idea why you would come here for the abortion funding flamewars? I would like to think you are welcome to share your viewpoints here, and maybe it doesn’t always feel that way to you, and that’s too bad. But enough with the name calling. It’s inappropriate and it does not help your case. Thanks!]

This Week’s Caption Contest Winner

jawnofthedead | Apr 12th Score:75

Guys…. I’m worried about Thom Yorke.

Posted in: The Videogum Why Don’t YOU Caption It? Contest: Private Dancer

[Ed. note: Congratulations, Jawn of the Dead. You earned it!]

This Week’s Editor’s Choice

MAGNITUDE | Apr 8th Score:72

HAHAHH YEAHHH POP POP!!!!!!

Posted in: A Review Of Gwyneth Paltrow’s Cookbook

[Ed. note: This comment is actually an alley-oop response to Gwyneth Paltrow’s comment (please see this week’s Top 5 comments) and all I can say is well played, jokers.]