Gwyneth Paltrow Interviews Jay-Z And Vice Versa

What happens when two Lifestyle Website Entrepreneurs interview each other? The universe opens up and swallows us all, finally collapsing on itself and suffocating all of existence into a forgotten blip They say ridiculous things! That is what was proven this week when Gwyneth Paltrow, the founder of Goop, interviewed Jay-Z, the founder of Life + Times. (Apparently, Matthew McCaunaughey, the founder of JK Livin, was busy.) So Gwyneth interviewed Jay-Z on her lifestyles website, and then Jay-Z interviewed Gwyneth for his lifestyles website. Cool. I wonder how much Voss water they both drank?!

Gwyneth Paltrow: As someone who has walked through museums with you, eaten with you, heard music with you, I know firsthand how creativity in all areas lifts your consciousness. Do you feel that as a cultural figure of importance it is part of your responsibility to share what inspires you?

Jay-Z: I think it’s every human’s job to inspire others, to feed one another’s senses. Inspiration begets inspiration times infinity. Imagine if the person that was inspired to create the phonograph didn’t share it with the world.

Oh good grief. I mean, spouting off empty platitudes about inspiration are basically the whole POINT of starting your own lifestyles website, so there’s no reason to complain about it. It’s like complaining about water for being too wet while it spouts off empty platitudes about inspiration on its lifestyles website. But it is hilarious to imagine the person that “was inspired” (because I’m sure that’s how it happened) to “create” (again, haha) the phonograph not sharing it with the world. “This is just for me!” Probably no one else would have ever “created” a “highly profitable machine” and we’d never even have music and Hitler would be president.

Of course, when Jay-Z interviews Gwyneth Paltrow, it only gets worse:

Jay-Z: Personally I was very surprised at your extensive knowledge of hip-hop songs. Particularly how you can sing ’90s hip-hip songs word for word. I can’t even do that! How does a girl from Spence discover hip-hop?

Gwyneth Paltrow: I first was exposed to hip-hop when I was about 16 (1988) by some boys who went to collegiate. The Beastie Boys were sort of the way in for us preppie kids. We were into Public Enemy, Run-DMC and LL Cool J. But then I went to LA the summer between my junior and senior year of high school and I discovered N.W.A which became my obsession. I was fascinated by lyrics as rythym and how Dre had a such different cadence and perspective from say, Eazy-E, who I thought was one of the most ironic and brilliant voices hip-hop has ever had. It was an accident that I learned every word of Straight Outta Compton and to love something that a.) I had no real understanding of in terms of the culture that it was emanating from and b.) to love something that my parents literally could not grasp. But I was hooked. I can’t remember what I ate for dinner last night but I could sing to you every single word of N.W.A’s “Fuck Tha Police” or [Rob Base & DJ E-Z Rock’s] “It Takes Two.” Go figure.

GO FIGURE, INDEED. You know what, these two deserve each other. GOODBYE, JAY-Z! You were the greatest rapper alive, but you’re England’s problem* now.

*Of course, in England, they call problems “lorries.”