Ashton Kutcher’s New Anti-Child Slavery PSA Campaign Is Insane

First of all, let me clear up any confusion by stating publicly for the record that I am AGAINST child slavery. There, I said it. HATE IT UP, HATERS. I’m probably one of the bravest Americans there is because of my strong opinions! Anyway, I do hate child slavery. That wasn’t a joke. It’s gross! And terrible! Apparently, Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore also hate child slavery, so they have started a foundation and put together a series of anti-child slavery PSAs with some of their celebrity friends. Good! Enough with this child slavery! There is only one problem. Their ads are completely bonkers? From Salon:

Instead of making a rational argument against buying underage girls for sex, they went for “that offbeat feel of Funny or Die,” as Kutcher put it, and ironically challenged viewers’ masculinity. Basically, they turned an Old Spice commercial into an anti-sex-trafficking PSA. In fact, Isaiah Mustafa himself is in one of the spots — shirtless, per the usual. There are also appearances from Bradley Cooper, Drake, Jamie Foxx, Jason Mraz, Sean Penn and Justin Timberlake. As though the campaign didn’t already scream “desperate to go viral,” if you “like” the campaign’s Facebook page, it will generate a custom spot featuring your profile photo and Moore purring your first name (assuming your parents didn’t give you a weird one).

Oh good grief. Look, you can’t criticize them too much because at the end of the day they are trying in their very weird (you’ll see) way to make the world a better place. But you can criticize them a little bit. For example, here’s a criticism: I’m pretty sure that anyone who is interested in buying a CHILD SEX SLAVE isn’t going to be particularly swayed by AN IRONICALLY CLEVER ADVERTISEMENT FEATURING JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE THAT PLAYS ON MODERN CONCEPTS OF MASCULINITY. Pretty sure that is not how we move the needle on the whole “fucking kids in dank Queens basements” thing.

You guys, look at these videos:

Like I said, FAIR ENOUGH. These guys all postponed their brunches at the Caviar Omelet House for an extra 45-minutes in order to do their part to rid the world of…child slavery…by making ads that seem like they are for some kind of body spray. Phew. Boy, am I glad there’s no more child slavery now. Thanks, guys!