A Review Of Gwyneth Paltrow’s Cookbook

Eater has bravely taken an in-depth look at Gwyneth Paltrow’s cookbook, which they describe thusly:

The cookbook is many things: it is aspirational and sweet, it is seasonally-minded, it is unintentionally very funny, and it offers dinner party ideas and patronizing “working-parent dinners.” The recipes are not that different from the many other tomes out there. Well, except that it offers vegan and child-friendly alternatives and has a foreword from buddy Mario Batali and name drops Jamie Oliver, Leonardo DiCaprio, and her “favorite vegetarian friend,” Stella McCartney.

Hahaha. Sure. Name-dropping Leonardo DiCaprio. Right. I mean, come on, it’s a cookbook. What is she going to do, NOT name-drop Leonardo DiCaprio? Anyway, I have not seen the book because Gwyneth’s “people” didn’t send me an advance copy for some reason. Weird. But Eater was also helpful enough to include some of their favorite quotes. You can read the full list at their site, but here are some of my favorites:

“One year I was given a birthday present I’ll never forget — a cooking lesson from Jamie Oliver.”

“When I was twenty-one, a friend gave me a book called Diet for a New America by John Robbins, which exposed the brutal practices of American factory farms. That, coupled with a lecture from Leonardo DiCaprio (when he was nineteen and I was twenty-one) about how such animals are kept and processed, made me lose my desire for factory farm pork and beef right there.”

“One cold wintry day in London, I was dreaming about salad nicoise—one of my favorites.”

“I had my first bowl of gazpacho when I was fifteen in Spain, and the impression it made was a lasting one.”

“I first had a version of this at a Japanese monastery during a silent retreat—don’t ask, it’s a long story.”

“When I pass a flowering zucchini plant in a garden, my heart skips a beat.”

Guys, we have a lot of fun at Gwyneth Paltrow’s expense, but it’s important to always remember that she actually really is a fucking monster like for real no joke.