Donald Trump Is The Charlie Sheen Of Presidential Candidates

Donald Trump was interviewed by Birdie Meredith Vieira on the Today show this morning about his presidential candidacy (I know, right?) and HOLY MOLY this guy can’t put four words together to complete his first insane tangential response to a question he wasn’t even asked before he’s off on another insane tangential response to something else. It’s actually kind of amazing. Is he on methamphetamines? Did Jesse Pinkman slip some methamphetamines into his morning glass of liquid gold?

WINNING, DUH, BUH BYE! Wait, serious question: is Donald Trump sick? Like, brain sickness? Is he? He might be. And that would help explain a lot. What is even going on here? Let’s all agree that his fake-embarrassed bragging about Celebrity Apprentice (as the reason why he can’t…run for president?) is INSANE but even more insane is his completely unfounded “birther” argument filled with so many strawmen that it is a fire hazard (ding dong, I’m sorry). Seriously, though, in addition to the birther thing being both nonsense AND racist, you can’t just claim that Barack Obama wasn’t born in this country because you “have people looking into it.” What? ON EARTH? But easily my favorite part of the entire interview comes right after him talking about how Barack Obama never made any deals and was not a “dealman” (unlike all of our other famous “dealman” presidents? Also what is a “dealman”?) But oh man, when Meredith asks him how HE would resolve the current budget impasse that threatens to shut down the government and he says: “I’d get everybody together and we’d have a budget.” That is THE BEST. I take it all back. Good President. Can I vote for him twice?