Who Should Replace Meredith Vieira On The Today Show?

Oh no, Meredith Vieira might be leaving the Today show! From the Hollywood Reporter:

Vieira, who seamlessly took the reins opposite Matt Lauer nearly five years ago, is said to be considering leaving the [Today show] when her reported $11 million annual contract expires in September. According to sources, Vieira, 57, has tired of the grueling lifestyle and would like to spend more time with her ill husband.

“There is going to be an opening; she’s done,” says one source with knowledge of the situation. Another suggests she is still making her decision but that re-upping looks unlikely.

Although NBC News executives proved adept at the host transition when 15-year veteran Katie Couric stepped down in 2006, Vieira’s departure would nonetheless create a void at the dominant morning franchise — and an opportunity for rivals to pounce. In addition to being among the longest-running programs, Today has been the top-rated morning show for nearly 800 consecutive weeks (or more than 15 years).

I really hope when they say her “ill husband” they just mean her husband is sick. No, like, siiiiiiiick. Not, like, sick. Yikes! Get well soon, Mr. Vieira! Of course, we need to prepare ourselves for ANY outcome, including the chance that Meredith Vieira might not renew her contract and a replacement will need to be found. Who should it be? Might I make a suggestion?

Admittedly, she does not have much broadcasting experience, and it might also be hard for the camera crew to keep her in frame, but I believe that Videogum’s mascot, Birdie, a one-year-old Shiba Inu, would be perfect for the job. Can you imagine her during a cooking segment? None of this pretending like you want to eat pulled pork sliders at 8 in the morning. She would definitely want to. And if the guest chef was preparing sticks, or chewed gum, or cigarette butts, or a soggy half of a tennis ball, EVEN BETTER!

Here is a sample conversation between Birdie and Al Roker:

Al Roker: And that’s what’s happening in your neck of the woods!
Birdie: Al, your persistently sunny disposition coupled with your low-grade Laffy Taffy wrapper sense of humor suggests to me that the work you have done to whitewash your soul in an attempt to appeal to as broad of an audience as possible is crippling and irreversible. I imagine you cry a lot at night?
Al Roker: Hahahha, oh, Birdie. And now, a segment about capri pants!

She is on Twitter, so she would help bring in that younger audience that the Today show has been desperately courting for years (I’m assuming, I actually kind of just made that up, but it sounds true?). Moreover, she could hold her own during any difficult interview. SIT DOWN, KANYE WEST, AND ANSWER THESE QUESTIONS! The savings in make-up and hair alone would basically pay her salary. The only reason NOT to hire her is because she’s a dog and she would ruin everything. Take a chance for once in your life, NBC!

Also acceptable: Hoda and Kathie Lee hosting all 19 hours of the Today show. Love those guys.