Duh Aficionado Magazine: John Travolta Is Not A Real Pilot

Look, John Travolta likes to kiss men wear wigs fly airplanes and THAT’S FINE. We all have hobbies, even John Travolta. But, boy oh boy, he sure likes to talk about it! Flying this, jetstream that, dude personally owns a 747 which is just straight up NONSENSE. But again, fine. People with hobbies often enjoy boring other people by talking about their hobbies as if they were everyone’s hobbies when they are very much not. It’s like hearing about someone’s dreams, or looking through vacation photos from a vacation you didn’t go on, the whole thing is exhausting long after you got the point. But have you noticed how John Travolta has been DRESSING UP LIKE A PILOT A LOT LATELY? What’s THAT all about? He knows that’s just a costume, right? You’re not a real pilot, John Travolta. Just because you know HOW to fly a plane does not mean anyone wants to fly on your airline (which does not exist). Anyway, now John Travolta is starring in some pre-flight videos that are showing on all Qantas flights, and the Qantas flight crews are pissed. Haha. I would be too! Fake ass pilot. From the HuffingtonPost:

John Travolta’s new introduction to the Qantas Airlines in-flight safety video (played on all domestic and long-haul flights) has been dubbed “cringe-worthy” by Qantas staff, according to the Sunday Telegraph. Travolta appears in a captain’s uniform saying cheesy things “this is your captain speaking–well, maybe not today” and calling flight crews “teams.”

Flight crews ripped Travolta (who flew his own Qantas Boeing 707 to Australia last November), as not being a “real” pilot, according to One staff member said that “the whole thing seems to make the safety message seem trite.”

Haha. Here’s the video that has mad everyone so upset:

The thing that I don’t understand, besides the weird way in which John Travolta is acting like a SIX-YEAR-OLD with over-indulgent parents–interrupting dinner parties to tell everyone to look out the left-side windows of the house at the grand canyon, sleeping with flight goggles on–is what Qantas hoped to achieve with these videos. Outside of flying through an actual storm and/or crashing for real, the pre-flight ritual is one of the most tense moments on an airplane. In addition to the unspoken, underlying fear of a well-rehearsed safety message that suggests at any moment you might plummet out of the sky into the fucking ocean, there is also just the part where everyone’s pretty anxious to GET GOING already. Then you have to see John Travolta’s stupid old biscuit face in his make believe pajamas cracking jokes about how people in your airplane believe as much in airline safety as he does (?!?!?!?!??!?!) as if it’s a well known fact that no one in the world takes airline safety more seriously than John “Ladder 49″ Travolta? No. Come on, Qantas.

GET ME OUT OF THIS DEATH TRAP! Why am I even on this stupid airplane?! Oh right.

That’s why.