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Your Grandma Sure Knows A Lot About Buttholes

Your grandma, Rosina Kovar, testified on behalf of herself and you (her grandchildren) yesterday before the Colorado Senate Judiciary concerning a civil unions ballot measure that looks like it may pass, and HO-BOY, does your grandma ever know a TON about buttholes. Like, not just the science of buttholes and how sphincter muscles work, but also the historical precedent for proper butthole usage. (She, of course, uses the technical term “anus” because she is a scholar and a gentlewoman.) It should be reiterated that she was testifying against CIVIL UNIONS, which, if I’m not mistaken, hasn’t the ship already sailed on the whole civil unions thing? Thought at the very least we had kind of put that basic yet still discriminatory step towards equal rights behind us. You hardly even hear anyone worrying that if we allow same-sex civil unions we’re going to have to start allowing human-lizard civil unions anymore.

Anyway, your grandma poops out some real gems and then rests her case after the jump:

KEEP OUT! You have to admit, the homophobe’s go-to strategy of focusing entirely on the rudimentary physics of gay sex when it comes to explaining why gay people shouldn’t be allowed to VISIT EACH OTHER IN THE HOSPITAL is always almost as hilarious as it is terrifying. I mean, I know that ultimately it is very awful and it represents a widespread methodology of backwards thought that it is going to take a couple more generations to breed out of the population and it’s one of the many things that is holding our society back in this hateful darkness of unacceptable repression (because, seriously) but also, if we can try and put SOME kind of silver lining on it, I just love the idea of how much WORK Rosina Kovar put into her testimony and how much time she has spent in her adult life imagining two men fucking. That’s hilarious! Just picturing it and getting so mad. Complaining to her husband in graphic detail. “Yes, honey.” WHY DON’T YOU DRINK SOME TEA AND PLAY MAH-JONGG AND STOP PICTURING LUBED-UP BUTTHOLES, ROSINA KOVAR?! (Thanks for the tip, Andrew.)