How To Pick Up Topher Grace

Ladies. In the most recent installment of’s recurring feature of having celebrities offer sex-advice to an intern who has been tasked with coming up with fake sex advice questions (because seriously, who are these people writing in to Nerve with so many genuine and serious sex questions when they don’t even know which celebrity will be answering their questions?!) the guest doctor was Topher Grace! Our baby boy is all grown up! And he offered one piece of sex wisdom (that is the name of my third album) that I think some of you are going to find very useful:

What’s the best way to pick up Topher Grace?
I was talking to a friend about this the other day, about how if a girl just goes up to a guy and shows interest, that’s enough. Some girl was saying, “What kind of game do I use?” to pick up guys. If you just come up and say hi to any guy, it’s probably a good start. That’s a good approach. In terms of me, I work so much, and you wind up going on location a lot when you’re doing films, so the real trick is to catch me at a time when I’m home in Los Angeles and not working.

So find Topher Grace in a bar in L.A. and go up and say hello.
That’s all you need to do. And be female.

So there you have it, ladies. You don’t even have to neg him or bounce him to a second location! (“Hey Topher, did you see the fight outside my cousin is coming into town in five minutes so I have to go soon nice nails just kidding I’m wearing binoculars.”) Just find him and be his girlfriend. BEST OF LUCK TO YOU! Before you leave the house, I highly recommend putting on those jeans with the legs covered in “Mrs. Topher Grace” written in Sharpie. They look great. You never have been able to find another pair that fit so well.