Oh Good Grief: Gwyneth Paltrow To Record A Country Album

Hey guys, I’ve got some terrible news! From Page Six:

Gwyneth Paltrow, who’s been shopping for a music deal, is in advanced talks with Atlantic Records, Page Six has learned. The Oscar-winning actress is poised to sign a contract with the Warner Music-owned label to produce a country album following her starring role in “Country Strong.”

A source told us, “Gwyneth’s agents have been talking to a number of labels about landing her a substantial record deal. Those who have heard the music say it’s country pop. Many labels would be reluctant to give a deal to a star whose first priority is film, but in recent weeks there have been discussions with Atlantic. Gwyneth is a very different name for Atlantic, and one who brings a lot of recognition.” [Ed. note: first of all, hahaha, that source sure talks like a normal human being with very casual, normal sentences. Second of all, I am not sure the problem is that her first priority is film. I think it has more to do with how she is terrible at singing?]

While some music critics were not bowled over by her performances, Gwyneth has big aspirations. She’d like to record with Jay-Z, a close friend of her and Martin. She added during red-carpet interviews, “I think we’d be a good combination.”

Gwyneth Paltrow thinks that she and Jay-Z would be “a good combination”? Oof. I’m pretty sure that has to go on Jay-Z’s tombstone now? “Here Lies a Father, Son, Friend, and Gwyneth Paltrow Delusion.” Sorry, Jay-Z. SHE’S YOUR FRIEND. Most expensive brunch in a castle you ever had. (Also, if Jay-Z and Gwyneth Paltrow were really as close as she keeps insisting in late night TV interviews, you would think she would be more respectful of his work?) Anyway, there is still hope that this frown gets turned upside down, because if they make an I’m Still Here about Gwyneth Paltrow that is actually REAL and features so much self-destructive implosions and Diddy shaking his head in disgust this is all going to be more than worth it. Fingers crossed!