Snow Refuses To Make Its Allegiances Known

[EDIT: This post has been rendered completely vestigial by the unseasonably warm weather here in Chicago today. ALL THE SNOW IS GONE!]

Snow is the worst, right? Or is it the best? Here’s a bunch of people seeing snow for the first time – to put things in perspective.

(Check out Dick van Dyke as Bert the Chimney Sweep at 1:40!)

They seem so happy! And they’ve reminded me that snow is a miracle (no snowmo). What they don’t know is that after seeing snow for say…. the 24th year in a row, it drives you kind of crazy. It turns neighbor against neighbor in claaaaasic cases of you-stole-my-shovel-so-now-I-will-use-my-snowblower-to-bury-your-car-because-we-are-both-adults-and-will-still-have-to-see-one-another-after-the-snow-melts. And people have begun shooting each other to steal snowblowers that I’m guessing will be used to cover their neighbors’ cells with snow in prison. It’s a coyote eat coyote world.

Speaking of coyotes, without winter and ice and snow, there also wouldn’t be aaaahmazing feel-good stories like this!

If you’re wondering how a coyote got to Chicago in the first place, it’s because the city released dozens of them to combat our rodent problem. I think our new mayor may want to have a chat with this old lady who swallowed a fly one time before this gets out of hand. (I’m guessing it’ll all end with dragons?)

Good thing there are no murders here in Chicago to stop the news from running these heartwarming stories. I just wish snow would choose a side!

So do you guys love snow or hate snow? Fight it out in the comments. Partial answers accepted for credit, but show your work! The results will be tallied and the winning team gets to control the animatronic groundhog next February. And there’s no Santa.