An Open Letter To The Internet In Regards To The Super Bowl Car Commercial Darth Vader Kid

Dear Internet,

This weekend, during the Super Bowl, Volkswagon ran an advertisement featuring a small child dressed as Darth Vader trying to use “the force” around the house, and then tried to use it on a car, and his dad used his remote control to trick the child, hahaha, and the child thought the force was real, and everyone immediately called their bank to ensure a line of credit in order to buy this car because 100 years ago they saw a movie about space. Fair enough. Personally, that advertisement seemed neither clever nor particularly interesting, and I’m not in the market for a car, so its use of iconic pop cultural imagery couldn’t sway me away from another brand by touching off deep-rooted emotional relationships between my childhood and my adult purchasing power, because there was no other brand.

But the only thing less interesting to me than the commercial itself is following up with the kid who was in the commercial. Really, Internet? This seems lazy, even for you. I mean, I know that you’re basically built on a foundation of kittens wearing casts and lazy Star Wars references, but sheesh. A corporation spent an incredible amount of money to buy the licensing rights to dress a child* who definitely doesn’t care about Star Wars because it’s not 1982 anymore as a character from Star Wars in order to sell cars (built by a company that helped outfit the Nazi war machine in World War II incidentally, not that it matters but maybe it kind of matters) and you are so incapable of standing up to nerd-pandering, even when that pandering is so lazy and obviously calculated, that you will follow the comings and goings of a child whose face you had never seen before just because that face was hidden by a Darth Vader mask? Relax!

Get a grip, boys. This isn’t a thing. Don’t make it one. Have some self-respect. This is only going to get you shoved into more lockers.

Princess Vespa

*Note: This is not about the kid. Good for the kid. I hope his parents invest all the money he got wisely and one day all his dreams come true and he’s the President of Disneyland. Everyone else, though, you are adults. Act like it.