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Monsters’ Ball: The Week’s Best Comments

After the jump, the five Highest Rated comments, as voted on by you, the Lowest Rated comment, the winner of the Ricky Gervais Graffiti Caption Contest, and the Editor’s Choice.

This Week’s Highest Rated Comments

#5 Funtastik | Jan 25th Score:77

“My apostrophe’s ar’e everywh’ere!” — Enthusiastic agent

Posted in: Gwyneth Paltrow Upskirt
#4 Polythene Pam | Jan 25th Score:78

That about sums it up.

Posted in: Why We Need A Christian Dictator
#3 dafs | Jan 24th Score:85

The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world he couldn’t hear its dick jokes.

Posted in: The Hunt For The Worst Movie Of All Time: The Quiet
#2 Dusky Panther | Jan 25th Score:95

They’re no better at exiting limousines.

Posted in: Announcing The Starting Line-Up For Puppy Bowl VII!
#1 R2D2, Esq. | Jan 25th Score:106

I have 2 thoughts on this post.

1. It is in poor taste.

2. I am not above this.

Posted in: Gwyneth Paltrow Upskirt

[Ed. note: Please see below.]

This Week’s Lowest Rated Comment

DS3M | Jan 25th Score:-32
PT, Go Fuck Yourself, Seriously. Troll someone else.
Posted in: Gwyneth Paltrow Upskirt

[Ed. note: Please see below.]

This Week’s Caption Contest Winner

the hammer is my penis | Jan 25th Score:85

For the second time today, Gabe posts a candid photo of a bush in Beverly Hills

Posted in: The Videogum Why Don’t YOU Caption It? Contest: Ricky Gervais Graffiti

[Ed. note: Congratulations, the hammer is my penis. You earned it!]

This Week’s Editor’s Choice

heatherro | Jan 25th Score:78

Jeez, are all you broads on the rag or something?

Posted in: Gwyneth Paltrow Upskirt
[Ed. note: Good God. I’m going to try and keep this brief, but let me say this: I do genuinely apologize to anyone who was offended by the Gwyneth Paltrow upskirt post. I am sorry. Obviously, or at least I hope “obviously,” that was never the intention. I know that some people were “disappointed” by a casual, throw-away, two-sentence quicklink post. Fair enough. That being said, I was also disappointed. Were I to do things over again, I am sure I could have handled that post differently, and if I knew what the reaction would be I definitely wouldn’t have posted it at all. Do you want to know why? It is not because some people found it offensive. As far as that is even concerned, I’m sorry, but the important debate on identity politics is happening somewhere else. This blog and that post and even that photo and definitely that woman have nothing to do with it. No, it is because WHO CARES AND WHO NEEDS THE HEADACHE? You guys don’t actually think that I care with, like, human emotions about Gwyneth Paltrow one way or the other, do you? Nothing she has done, is doing, or will ever do has any effect on my life whatsoever. But it is easy to make fun of her because she’s awful. Honestly, if you knew how little I cared about most of the things that I write about on this website, your heads would fall off. From boredom. (It’s never fun to see how the sausage is blogged, but I am trying to be as honest with you as I can, since many of you were TOO honest with me in the angry emails you sent to my personal email address about this stupid thing.) I am not asking for your sympathy. That would be like Gwyneth Paltrow asking for my sympathy. I know that my job is to write lazy pun-based jokes all day about Break.com trampoline farts and occasionally post videos of my cute dog. NOT SO BAD WHEN YOU THINK ABOUT IT. But I am asking you to relax and, if you can find it deep within your hearts, to give Videogum the benefit of the doubt when we do something that you don’t agree with. One young woman wrote to me and claimed that Videogum had become a “misogynistic” “dumping ground for rape jokes.” Seriously? Seriously, you guys? No. Nunh-unh. Posting a link to a Gwyneth Paltrow upskirt photo is definitely tasteless, no argument there, and I was pretty careless in how I did it because I was just rushing to get something up. (That is what she said. WANT TO EMAIL ME ABOUT THAT JOKE? IT’S A PUN ABOUT FUCKING.) But you know what else is tasteless: calling someone a bad mother without ever having met her or her children, but none of us seemed to have a problem doing that (or very few of us, sorry, I’m not ignoring you, stalwart Gwyenth apologists). Again, I am sorry that people were offended, but I was offended in turn. If you guys actually care about this place, which personally I think is a pretty great place, and is the same great place it always was regardless of the fact that a woman who has been photographed getting out of a limousine for 15 years just happened to do it wrong somehow, then please do your part to keep it that way by staying calm, voicing your always welcome for the most part disagreement or disapproval in reasonable and non-melodramatic tones, and keeping perspective on who we are and what we are even doing here. Thank you. And yes, yes, yes, I mad. I know.]