The 2011 Academy Awards Nominees Are Here, So, You Know

I’ve got some good news and some bad news, you guys. The good news is that there were actually some really wonderful movies released in theaters this year, which means that in some small ways there might actually be some dramatic interest in who wins which Academy Award for whatever. Sure! Why not? We all root for the sports teams to get the score points, why not cheer on the mildly talented celebrities for beating out the lesser talented celebrities in getting statues to put in their Kelly Wearstler-designed bathroom (“makes a great conversation starter” – Kate Winslet)? It can’t be worse than the 2000 Academy Awards when American Beauty beat out The Green Mile, The Sixth Sense, and Cider House Rules for Best Picture. Yikes. Let’s build a time machine and go back to KILL HITLER and then on our way back from that to the present, let’s put the 2000 Academy Awards’s feet in cement and dump them into Whoops Ocean.

And now for the bad news: the Academy Awards is still an exceedingly obnoxious, intellectually bankrupt, self-aggrandizing attempt to artistically legitimize an insidious and misguided industry that could not possibly care less about art. Oh, and also we’re still all going to die one day and the time that we have is precious, at the very least precious enough that we probably shouldn’t spend as much of it as we do fantasizing about the lives of other people, especially dull-witted millionaires who spend their days playing make-believe, but what are you going to do, I guess, it certainly FEELS like there are a lot of hours between lunch and bedtime.


Best Picture
Black Swan
The Fighter
The Kids Are All Right
The King’s Speech
127 Hours
The Social Network
Toy Story 3
True Grit
Winter’s Bone

Best Actor
Javier Bardem–Biutiful
Jeff Bridges–True Grit
Jesse Eisenberg–The Social Network
Colin Firth–The King’s Speech
James Franco–127 Hours

Best Actress
Annette Bening–The Kids Are All Right
Nicole Kidman–Rabbit Hole
Jennifer Lawrence–Winter’s Bone
Natalie Portman–Black Swan
Michelle Williams–Blue Valentine

Best Supporting Actor
Christian Bale–The Fighter
John Hawkes–Winter’s Bone
Jeremy Renner–The Town
Mark Ruffalo–The Kids Are All Right
Geoffrey Rush–The King’s Speech

Best Supporting Actress
Amy Adams–The Fighter
Helena Bonham Carter–The King’s Speech
Melissa Leo–The Fighter
Hailee Steinfeld–True Grit
Jacki Weaver–Animal Kingdom

Best Director
Darren Aronofsky–Black Swan
Joel and Ethan Coen–True Grit
David Fincher–The Social Network
Tom Hooper–The King’s Speech
David O. Russell–The Fighter

Best Original Screenplay
Another Year
The Fighter
The King’s Speech
The Kids Are All Right

Best Adapted Screenplay
127 Hours
The Social Network
Toy Story 3
True Grit
Winter’s Bone

Best Foreign Film
Biutiful (Mexico)
Dogtooth (Greece)
Hors la Loi (Outside the Law) (Algeria)
Incendies (Canada)
In a Better World (Denmark)

Best Animated Film

How to Train Your Dragon
The Illusionist
Toy Story 3

Good luck to all of the millionaires. We hope and pray, I’m sure, that your dreams come true a little bit more than they already have.