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And Now Ted Williams Is Going To Rehab, Congrats Everybody

Well, that was fast. Hey, remember when Susan Boyle went on that TV show and became instantly famous around the world and within a matter of weeks she completely imploded and had to go to a hospital or something for exhaustion or whatever, and that’s just a woman who loved to sing and went on a reality show, not a homeless alcoholic struggling with addiction? Maybe we should be a little more careful about this kind of thing! From the New York Daily News:

The homeless man with the golden voice is on his way to rehab after confessing to Dr. Phil that he’s been drinking heavily throughout his newfound stardom.

Ted Williams agreed to enter a treatment for drug and alcohol dependency during “a lengthy on-on-one conversation” with Dr. Phil, which airs on his program today, a source said.

His 29-year-old daughter, Janey Williams, said her dad’s been drinking “at least a bottle of Grey Goose a night.”

“That’s not including the Coronas he ordered, that’s not including the Budweisers he ordered, the other alcohol, the wines. He drinks heavily,” she told “Entertainment Tonight.”

Eeeeeek! Remember during the original video how he explained that he was two years sober? WHOOOOOPS. Bartender, a round of back slaps for me and my Internet friends. “I just don’t understand how Ted Williams could relapse like this when his video brought me 30 seconds of entertainment in my cubicle! I mean, you have to admit, he really didn’t SOUND like a homeless person but he LOOKED like a homeless person, and that is just a surprising juxtaposition LOL!” Fucking Internet. Hate it. Burn it to the ground. I’m not joking. Burn it to the goddamned ground. If Froodoo could destroy the one ring of power, surely we can destroy this. And while we’re at it, let’s burn Dr. Phil to the ground. Look at this shit:

“If Ted is ever going to get better, he’s got to be honest with himself and admit he’s addicted to drugs and alcohol,” Dr. Phil said in a statement.

“Everyone is pulling for Ted, but his 15 minutes are going to be over and then he’ll be left to manage a life filled with temptation,” he said.

Ugh, shut up, Dr. Phil. When are YOUR 15 minutes going to be over so that you can be left to manage a life without talking about stuff you have no clue about? Let’s put Dr. Phil and Dr. Drew in a cage and have them HEAL EACH OTHER TO THE DEATH. Garbage doctors. Fair enough, I guess. We do live in Garbage Town. Population all of us. Good luck, Ted Williams. Bad luck, Dr. Phil. Goodnight, everybody.