BREAKING NEWS: Pepsi To Sponsor Something!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Um. This news is everywhere this morning? And so now this news is here. Apparently it’s important. God forbid you guys somehow don’t hear about it. I think it’s generation-defining. It goes JFK, Neil Armstrong, Vietnam, grunge, 9/11, this. From the New York Times (THE NEW YORK TIMES!):

THERE are Coke people, and there are Pepsi people. But for Simon Cowell, who is moving from “American Idol” to “The X Factor,“ that allegiance — which quite often lasts a lifetime — is about to take a turn.

Fox will announce Tuesday that Pepsi is the sole season-long sponsor for “The X Factor,” a singing competition that Mr. Cowell is bringing to the United States in the fall. Pepsi will have commercial time and integrations within “X Factor,” and the two brands will support each other on the Web and in stores.

HOLY SHIT CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT MULTI-MILLIONAIRE SIMON COWELL USED TO BE ON A TV SHOW THAT WAS SPONSORED BY COKE BUT NOW HE IS GOING TO BE ON A TV SHOW THAT IS SPONSORED BY PEPSI? HIS HEAD IS PROBABLY FALLING THE FUCK OFF. I BET HIS THERAPIST IS LIKE “COME IN TWICE A WEEK NOW PLEASE, WE HAVE A LOT OF WORK TO DO.” Obviously, our thoughts and prayers are with Simon Cowell and his family in this difficult time. And of course, America waits with barely contained diarrhetic anticipation to see how these two brands support each other on the Web and in stores. It’s all very exhausting I MEAN EXCITING. (Kill me, please, but don’t forget to save a bullet for yourself. This guy knows what I’m talking about.)