In the flush of the holiday season, it was almost possible for a moment to forget that the world is an endless and inescapable nightmare. Would an endless and inescapable nightmare have so much EGG NOG? (Go to bed, church. Egg nog is the true opiate of the masses.) Although, anyone who was, for example, trapped in an airplane on a snowy tarmac for five to six hours when all they wanted was to get home and who could see the winking lights of the airport right there right through the window so close and yet so far away, only to spend another two to three hours waiting for luggage in the baggage claim–an event so traumatic that even seeing Alec Baldwin waiting for his bags and talking to him about how he was stuck on his airplane on the snowy tarmac for even longer couldn’t have alleviated the sense of existential suffering–those people, whoever they may be, certainly got a brief reminder of just what was awaiting them on the other end of 2010: MORE OF THE SAME. Now, of course, in the clear light of this day the memories come rushing back to all of us, and we are brought around once more to the inevitable and throbbing conclusion that this world was a trap built to kill us.
So we might as well find happiness in it wherever and whenever we can! For example, if we want to stick 20 quarters into our big fat gaping apparently-bottomless belly buttons in our dorm rooms while our friend giggle and videotape us on their Motorola RAZRs, confirming our place in the World Record Books for most quarters in a human belly button–although we might also realize that we’re kind of opening the floodgates here and there might be a whole slew of bigger fatter gapinger more-bottomless belly buttons that can suck up more change belonging to people who, like most of us, didn’t even realize that was a thing until now, waiting to come after our crown–but if that makes us happy, let’s do it! This guy did:
He seems happy enough, right? Or is that mustard?! (FAT JOKE 2011. HERE WE GOOOOOOO.) (Via Dlisted.)