New Year’s Resolutions, Guy Fieri Style

“I’m not saying that everyone has to make New Year’s Resolutions, I’m just saying Guy Fieri does” is something that I wrote on Twitter on New Year’s Eve day, because I believe it to be true. Everyone could use some guided and purposeful self-improvement, but some of us could really use it. But so it is fitting that this morning I was sent a link to this supercut of Guy Fieri eating like a fucking pig. Get it together, my man. 2011, dude.

Yuck. My New Year’s Resolution is to kill myself if I ever resemble Guy Fieri in any way whatsoever*. I think it’s going to stick! (Thanks for the tip, Joe.)

*The one exception to this rule is if I resemble Guy Fieri in the way that Guy Fieri is an inexplicably huge success for terrible reasons. You guys don’t actually think I’m going to end my life right at the moment that I start getting rich and famous for no good reason whatsoever, do you? Because I’m not! I’m going to lord it over everyone, and it’s going to be awful!