2012 Watch: Prisoner Cites Belief In “Festivus” To Get Better Food

Oh good grief. From MSNBC:

A Festivus for the rest of us? A convicted drug dealer in California thinks so. He cited his adherence to the holiday celebrated on a famous episode of “Seinfeld” to get better meals at the Orange County jail. The Orange County Register reported Monday that 38-year-old Malcolm Alarmo King disliked the salami meals served at the jail — he’s a bit of a health nut and wanted to maintain his sleek physique. But sheriff’s officials reserve kosher meals for inmates with a religious need.

Judge Derek G. Johnson demanded a religious reason for King to receive the meals. Defense attorney Fred Thiagarajah cited his client’s devotion to Festivus. Keeping kosher is not one of the tenets of Festivus, which was depicted on “Seinfeld” as celebrated with the airing of grievances and the display of an aluminum pole, plus feats of strength, which may be King’s connection. Sheriff’s spokesman Ryan Burris says King got salami-free meals for two months before the county got the order thrown out in court.

“Keeping kosher is not one of the tenets of Festivus”? Really, article? YOU MEAN THE MAKE BELIEVE HOLIDAY FROM A TV SHOW THAT HAS BEEN OFF THE AIR FOR 12 YEARS? I love how that’s the argument for why this is ridiculous. BRING ON THE FLOOD WATERS! (Also LOL: “he’s a bit of a health nut.” Haha. A bit. Sure. He dabbles. FROM PRISON.) Now, if I can digress for just a moment: many years ago, Ben and Jerry’s released a “Limited Edition” flavor called Festivus and it was SO GOOD! They also were NOT kidding with that “Limited Edition” thing, because not only was it seasonal, but I never even saw it again after just crushing the one pint I bought the one time. I guess what I’m saying is that if a man who is in PRISON for committing CRIMES can get special treatment because of his belief in a fake holiday from a seminal ’90s sitcom, at least the rest of us should be able to buy some DELICIOUS ICE CREAM. It’s only fair. Do the right thing, Ben and Jerry’s. FREE FESTIVUS ICE CREAM! (Thanks for the tip, Evan.)