That’s Your Hand Model Girlfriend: Ellen Sirot

“I’ve dated a few hand models in the past, sure, who hasn’t? But those relationships never worked out. I think the main problem with the other hand model girlfriends I’ve known is that they were always too self-aware. Like, they were down to Earth, normal people who simply used their hands as a way to earn a living or supplement their income from a regular day job. When you talked to them, they hardly even brought up their modeling, and if they did it was in a kind of charming, self-effacing way that let you know they didn’t take themselves too seriously and they recognized that it’s a hilarious world in which someone can make a fair amount of money just by letting someone take a picture of their hand holding a toilet brush, or whatever. I mean, who wants that? Who wants a human being who recognizes there’s nothing that special about them in a world of billions of human beings and that they just happened to have lucked out in this one tiny way that is not even particularly impressive. No, when I date a hand model I want her to be a fucking asshole. Big time. I want her voice to just ooze condescension and self-satisfaction, and I want hand modeling to be the only thing she’s capable of talking about. I want her to take pride in her virtual inability to do standard human things, such is her nightmare panic about getting, like, a papercut or some shit. Oh, I want her to just be the worst. That’s why I love Ellen Sirot. She gets it. We date.”


If you like it then you couldn’t put a ring on it. It wouldn’t let you. It’s such a clown! (Thanks for the tip, Kate and admill. Also seen on Dlisted and Urlesque.)