New York Times Book Review Written By Family Guy Character For Some Reason

Sort of. I mean, the lead reviewer for the New York Times book review section, Michiko Kakutani, wrote a review in “the voice” of Brian the dog from Family Guy. Again: sort of. I mean, not really at all? NOT that I’m an expert on the voice of Brian the dog from Family Guy, but I’ve definitely watched enough Family Guy to know that it doesn’t sound anything like this ever:

Brian the dog here. You know, the talking dog from “Family Guy”: best-selling author, actor, television writer, movie director, song-and-dance ace, civil rights crusader and, yes, animal companion. Because of my sterling literary credentials, I’ve been asked to review this British pooch’s new memoir: “The Life and Opinions of Maf the Dog and of His Friend Marilyn Monroe,” ghosted by this novelist guy Andrew O’Hagan.

Or like this:

Like me, Maf is a credit to his species. Like me, he refuses to demean himself by perpetuating the stereotypes of “the good dog,” the obedient dog, the unthinking mammal. Like me, he’s a cultured hound with a busy mental life: he knows his literature, his art history, his philosophy. And like me, he joins Lassie, Rin Tin Tin and Toto in elevating the canine reputation in as expeditious a fashion as possible.

Haha. Nope. I have never heard anything on Family Guy that sounded even just a tiny little bit like that. You know, you would think that a FAMOUS LITERARY CRITIC would know that there is more to mimicking an authorial voice than just saying “I am talking as this character now.” Perhaps instead of claiming to review a book as the dog from Family Guy, Michiko Kakutani should have written an essay on what the hell is she even doing and why. WHAT IS THIS? WHY DOES THIS EXIST? BECAUSE THERE IS A DOG IN THE BOOK? TRY HARDER, MICHIKO KAKUTANI. P.S. Family Guy stinks. And while we’re at it, follow my dog on Twitter.