Look Like This!: Black Swan

[Stephen K has a lifestyle blog and co-authors a fashion advice twitter that never gets updated. In this column, he will tell you how to get the hottest looks of today.]

Without a doubt, Black Swan is the most highly anticipated fashion cinema event of the year (move over, Marmaduke/127 Hours!)! With costumes done by Sister, Sister avant garde design wonder-duo Rodarte and starring Marc Jacobs muse Winona Ryder and style icon Natalie Portman as a prima ballerina with stage fright, Black Swan has set stylistas abuzz with a frenzy of teenage fashion bloggers re-posting the same promotional stills over and over in a Rond de Jerk of excitement that would have Jean Baudrillard himself simulacrumming into the circle. But how are you going to drastically change your look in a short period of time to get in on that excitement? Luckily for you, we fashion-advice-givingistas here at Videogum have the insider tips that will help you co-opt the buzz and Look Like This!

Whether it’s because of their mutual appreciation for the importance of drama and spectacle, their passion for movement and line, or simply their shared reverence for the grace and beauty of long-limbed, underfed, pale white women, fashion and ballet have been dancing side-by-side since the beginning. Pas de Delightful! Generally this beautiful duet has culminated in gorgeously elaborate couture costumes for the stage, such as the ones Rodarte made for this movie.

However, while these costumes are certainly breathtaking, they’re not exactly practical for the average everyday activities of the typical non-prima ballerina, untalented, unspectacular, so-so in the looks department ladies like yourselves! So instead we’ll be giving you undistinguished-anonymous-
corps-de-ballet-istas some advice on how to perfectly embody that standard dancer-off-duty look of Natalie Portman’s character while still attempting to capture some of the reflected brilliance of Rodarte’s decadent designs.

One wardrobe staple of any dancer is a cozy sweater dress. Though you ladies are much too plain and workhorse-like to rock the Rodarte costumes from Black Swan, you can still get in on the Rodarte action! This classic and chic crocheted dress (only $2990!) is the perfect thing to throw on after a long day of grande plies and grande jetes, something to wear when you just feel like saying, “Fuck it. I just want to look like the couch from Roseanne.”

Throw it on over a pair of crotchless leggings (White House, Black Market has a great pair!) and you have the perfect outfit for getting finger-banged by Mila Kunis in the back of a taxi or by your mentor/choreographer while practicing at the barre or anywhere really. Cool outfit? Slammin’; slammin’ outfit!

To capture some of the visual drama of Rodarte’s elaborate stage costumes in your everyday look, try accessories with swan feather themes! We love these hideous one-of-a-kind hand decorated satin pumps that look like they were glitterglued as a craft project of a particularly ambitious future Kathy Griffin loving second-grader. Wear them with a great pair of skinny jeans and you’ll be ready to ruffle something of your own: male attention!

Beauty tip! One of the most striking component’s of Natalie Portman’s look in the movie is her dramatic eyes. Getting this look for yourself is as easy as 1-2-3! (1) Carefully line the outer half of your lower eye lid with black eyeliner, starting from the center of your eyelid and moving out, (2) gently blend some charcoal eyeshadow from the inside of your eyelid to slightly past where your eyelid ends, (3) slowly but carefully start to crumble under the pressure of years and years of extreme self-discipline that helped you reach the top of your career to the point where you are not sure that the free-spirited newcomer threatening your position is actually real or a malevolent manifestation of the self that you have been repressing and keeping locked away for so long that it has taken on a life of its own in a cliched duality that is more-or-less a Fight Club 2010-type situation.

It’s the perfect look for a romantic terrifying night on the town that will have your partner bursting in his dance belt!

So there you have it. These tips should have you ready to blow the socks off that snobby Juilliard dance panel with your patented insanely terrible hip-hop ballet fusion routine and make beautiful, sweet inter-racial love to your boyfriend that you will likely dump after you get to Juilliard in no time! Til next time, ladies, it’s cocktail hour and this dancestyle-tini is on us! Ladies!