Videogum

That’s Your Girlfriend: Colleen Thomas

Relationships come and go. It’s often impossible to pinpoint exactly where things went wrong. But ultimately it comes down to a lack of desire to make things work. No one is perfect, every couple has to work through their differences, and up until now, you just haven’t really felt like it. Not that you’d ever say that to one of your exes, but if you’re going to be absolutely honest with yourself it all boils down to a simple lack of interest. Excuse me, BOILED. Past tense. Because the day you met Colleen Thomas was the day that everything changed. You can still remember the first time she started talking about the pleiadians manipulations of Nibiru. The two of you were sitting across from each other at a California Pizza Kitchen in the shopping mall’s northwest corridor. “Have you ever wondered why we don’t have a winter anymore and the days are just getting warmer and warmer?” she asked. You tilted your head a little to the side. I mean, sure, you knew that the weather had gotten less predictable, and that the winters did seem milder than you remembered them being as a child, and certainly the summers had been breaking heat records, but it wasn’t exactly right to say that we didn’t have winters anymore and that the days kept getting hotter? Like, it’s not hotter in the winter than it is in the summer and then hotter still in the spring. She did not notice the puzzled look on your face, because she was too busy explaining the EMP the pleiadians were going to detonate if Obama traveled overseas, and reminding you that everyone who died in the 2004 tsunami were actually taken prisoner by aliens, which is why no bodies were ever found, and that is when you knew that you would do whatever it took to keep her by your side forever. You felt, for the very first time in your life, like an adult.

“I think we can all agree that in addition to her ideas and the things that she says, her hairline is ALSO very normal.” – You

(Thanks for the tip, Ben.)