Two weeks ago was the one year anniversary of Balloon Boy’s Falcon Heene’s dramatic and exciting adventure
through the skies into a box in the attic. Of course, what had at first seemed like a NATIONAL TRAGEDY, turned out to be a RIDICULOUS HOAX, concocted by Falcon’s father, Richard, a real coconut. Perhaps you remember the theme song that Richard Heene wrote and recorded himself for the reality TV show pitch he was putting together called Psychic Detectives? Classic coconut stuff. The stuff that coconuts do. Anyway, a year is a long time, and Falcon’s parents Richard and (the long-suffering) Mayumi had some time in prison to think about what they had done. Prison, especially for suburban middle-class fame-hungry parents, is a humbling experience, one assumes, and so obviously we would be right to expect that when they returned home, they wanted nothing more than to spend as much time as possible with their children, to repair the family bond, and to move past their collective, national embarrassment. Surely, they would not, for example, invent a piece of simulated wood that you affix to the wall using an electric drill called The Bear Scratch, for scratching hard to reach places on one’s itchy back, and surely, if they were to invent such a thing for some reason, they wouldn’t make a COMPLETELY INSANE INFOMERCIAL (AFTER THE JUMP) to sell it. No. No way! Just hugs and bedtime stories and trips to Disneyland, I’m sure.
I like the part at the end when he pretends to verbally abuse his wife! You guys remember that World’s Best Dad mousepad we bought for Richard Heene? We have to put it in the garbage. Why? Because WE’RE GONNA NEED A BIGGER WORLD’S BEST DAD MOUSEPAD! (Via Westword. Thanks for the tip, incredimarc and Abdullah.)