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Charlie Sheen Doesn’t Need Your “Get Well Soon” Balloons

To be honest, this week’s Charlie Sheen story is only my fourth favorite Charlie Sheen story of all time, and that’s probably because there are a bunch of Charlie Sheen stories I don’t even know about. My third favorite Charlie Sheen story was when he wrote 9/11 fan fiction to Barack Obama. My second favorite Charlie Sheen story is when he was the first Mr. Cool Disguise. And my very favorite Charlie Sheen story, of course, is when he apologized to Denise Richards for calling her a nigger. Compared to all of those stories, police responding to a call from the Plaza Hotel, only to discover a naked Charlie Sheen in a trashed hotel room drunkenly complaining about a prostitute stealing his wallet is just another day at the office. And apparently, I am not the only one who feels this way. Charlie Sheen also feels this way. From People

Despite a daylong hospital stay, Charlie Sheen plans to be back on the job without missing a beat.

“Charlie will be working this week doing a cameo role, playing himself, in a small movie as a favor to a friend and has every intention of going back to work on Two and a Half Men on Tuesday,” his manager Mark Burg tells PEOPLE. “He’s looking forward to working.”

Haha. “Work.” Sure. It’s almost crazy how hard Charlie Sheen works, you guys. “Boss, why is the Employee of the Month plaque so dusty and sun-faded?” “Oh, that’s because it goes to the same hard worker every month, so it never gets changed out.” Those flame-and-poker-suit-printed silk shirts aren’t going to pay for themselves! Every day Charlie Sheen is hustling. On his grind, for sure.