What You Will Need For Tonight’s Sex And The City 2 Viewing Party

LADIES! Sex and the City 2 came out on DVD and Blu Ray today. Of course, you already knew that. Because of your VAGINA. Obviously you already have your copy, which you pre-ordered on opening night after getting home from the theater at two in the morning (opening night meaning the Thursday midnight screening. Is there anything here that is unclear?) and today is the big day! The eVites went out months ago for all your best GAL PALS to come over and watch. (“The best part is that we can finally PAUSE the movie when we need to pee, which women have to do all the time!” Etc.) But just in case you have forgotten any last minute provisions, here are the MUST HAVES that you will DEFINITELY need:

    • COSMOS!!!!!!
    • A bunch of shoes, or something
    • Deep-seated self-loathing
    • CHOCOLATE!!!!!
    • This weird form of inverted homophobia where you refer to gay people as “my gays” not realizing that that’s kind of gross and weirdly offensive
    • Industrial grade insecurity
    • The irrational and desperate belief that a man will somehow “fix” things, which you can’t shake even though you might, as a modern woman, know it is a lie
    • A blind eye towards racist jokes about Muslims

OK! You’re all set, girls. Time to cut loose. ACK! ACK!