Videogum

That’s Your Boyfriend: Juan Williams

This week, on The O’Reilly Zone, your boyfriend Bill O’Reilly turned to your boyfriend, FOX News contributor Juan Williams, and asked for his opinion on the Tragic Events of September 9/11 Mosque, or whatever. I believe he was still rehashing the dust up he had last week on The View. Cool. Although it’s very uncharacteristic of Bill to just belabor something endlessly and never let it go. Weird. Anyway, your boyfriend (not Bill O’Reilly, who is your boyfriend, your other boyfriend, I know it is confusing, stay with me) Juan Williams explained that your boyfriend (ay-ay-ay) Bill O’Reilly’s position was correct (it’s not) and then proceeded to explain why, and THAT is when you were reminded of why you love him so much and why sometimes when the two of you are having sex, you don’t even want to have an orgasm, because the pleasure for you is to see him receive pleasure. (GROSSSSS. YOU ARE SO GROSS!)

Nice. You know, it’s one thing to make the “political correctness” argument when you’re talking about, say, airport security, because I think we can all agree that sometimes it IS weird when some TSA agent is ripping up the stuffing on a 90-year-old grandma’s wheelchair. I’m not saying there shouldn’t be a certain element of random selection, because people come in all shapes and sizes, even bad people, I’m just saying the randomness doesn’t have to be KIND OF COMICAL. But you can’t really bust out the anti-political correctness argument in defense of just straight up being a bigoted piece of shit. Like, it’s not overly politically correct to NOT BE AFRAID of someone JUST BECAUSE THEY ARE MUSLIM. And I will say that to your boyfriend right to his face at your next dinner party that you throw in the tastefully but somewhat eclectically decorated apartment that you share.

Incidentally, “you know I’m not a bigot because of all the books I’ve written on the Civil Rights Movement” is one of the TIGHTEST defenses against being a bigot I’ve ever heard. I’m definitely going to write some books about the Civil Rights Movement so that I can use that one right before I say some super bigoted shit. (Thanks for the tip, Andy.)

UPDATE: NPR has fired Juan Williams. Classic liberal bullshit.